The Summer With Spencer
by PostitPromise
Summary: Llysa moves to Virginia for the summer, and isnt expecting to be neighbors with Spencer Reid. By happenstance they meet and start something like a friendship. But what happens when she becomes a pawn in the clutches of an unsub ?
1. Chapter's 1-29

I hugged my friends goodbye; it was the last day of freshman year. But that wasn't the only reason this day was special. This summer I was going to get away from the chaos I call my family and spend it in Virginia with Eddie. Now, how do I describe Eddie ? Well, first of all, he is twenty-five. Him and I met and became close, and he is my best friend. He's the only adult I trust. With his piercing blue eyes and straight white teeth, combined with his sandy blonde hair that curled at the ends, he is gorgeous. I hurried to the car where he waited to take me home to get my stuff. He stood leaning against the hood of his car, and as I ran up to him, he grabbed me on the waist, lifted me up and held me. He spun me around, saying "I'm proud of you Llys." I could feel my friends' eyes on me, because they had always thought Eddie was insanely hot. I just waved at them, and smiled and hugged Eddie back. He let me go inside alone, and I quickly grabbed my bags and said goodbye to my parents. I saved the longest goodbye for my doggie Moey, whom I would miss the most. As you can gather, my family and I don't exactly get along very well. My sister and I actually have a good relationship, but she and I had already exchanged farewells, because she was staying at a friend's for a few days. I stepped off my porch, and turned around to face the sun. My excitement was palpable. The breeze ruffled my long straight hair, and I turned and slowly walked towards Eddie's car. I love to travel, and this was going to be my first time on a plane. I could feel it, this was going to be MY summer. The summer that everything turns right in my life. We all have that one summer, where we can look back and say "Wow, that was the best time of my life." Well, I was determined to make this mine.

I turned up the radio and sang along as we drove to the airport, letting my hand dangle out the window and catch the breeze. When we arrived at the airport, some guy who looked no older than me, took away our luggage, and we were left to fend for ourselves in this chaos. I jumped on Eddie's back and he piggybacked me through the crowd, bobbing and weaving to avoid the passing people. Groups of girls and women would stare as we walked by, gawking at Eddie's flawless face. As we went through airport security, one girl, a pretty brunette about seventeen, approached us and asked Eddie if he was a model. He answered "Yes," in a perfect rendition of a French gay man. I cracked up, and acted as though I was a fan. I ran up to him yelling "Jean-Claude ! Jean-Claude !" I asked him to sign my arm, which he did. The girl looked shocked and asked for a picture, which he gladly gave. We shuffled onto the plane together, laughing as we went. We sat there chatting until a voice told us to buckle up, it was time for takeoff ! I looked out the window excitedly, and actually felt a little twinge of sadness as we rose into the sky, leaving Michigan behind. I had only been out of state to go to Ohio before, so I had previously felt pretty lame compared to my friends. I then thought about how many times I had lain on my trampoline, staring up and the sky, just watching the airplanes go by, wishing I was on one of them. My sadness quickly faded. My life was about to officially be able to be called a life. And, I couldn't restrain myself, I pumped both fists in the air in victory, rising up into the blue summer sky.

I pulled a notebook from my satchel and started writing a story. While writing was one thing that had always come naturally to me; I also loved to draw, though I was not very good at it at all. I preferred to write. I always had a notebook or post-its with me, in case inspiration struck. I was forever writing down and reciting jokes and quotes, or just things I wanted to remember. After a while, I put the notebook away and just enjoyed the scenery. Eddie had graciously let me have the window seat, and my view was breathtaking; down below me were giant rolling hills with that pretty dark green summer grass, and pine trees of every size, shape and color. I looked over at Eddie to show him, but he was asleep already. I pulled my knees up to my chest in my favorite position, and absently braided my hair to the back of my head, daydreaming and looking out the small circular window. Somewhere in the midst of all this, I fell asleep. I woke up with my head against the window, and a cramp in my back from staying in the fetal position for so long. I uncurled and stretched, just as the flight attendant announced that we would be landing in ten minutes. I woke Eddie up gently and told him to look out the window with me. The descent was fun, but the after-math was crazy; people pushing each other everywhere to get their luggage. Eddie and I waited until after every single person had gotten off the plane, then we shuffled like two zombies to retrieve our luggage as well. We sat on a bench drinking airport coffee, and then he turned to me and inquired on what we should do. "Are you hungry ?", he asked me. "Yeah, a little. We should grab a bite to eat." I was heading to the airport café when he stopped me; "Let's get some real food. C'mon, I'll take you to my favorite diner." I smiled in response. I pulled out a post-it and quickly scrawled "3:22pm, Thursday, June 14, 2012. Life officially began." "You ready ?" He asked, grabbing my hand. We then walked out into the Virginia sunshine, for me, for the first time.

"It's beautiful here," I remarked to him as we stepped into the rental car. He stowed our bags and buckled in before he responded. He gently brushed my hair out of my face and agreed, smiling his perfect smile at me. Still beaming, he started up the car and we were off. After the diner, we arrived at his house. Well, I don't know if _house_ is the appropriate word. It was the first time I had ever seen his quote-unquote house, which was really more of a mansion. It had a two car garage on the left side, like my house back in Michigan, but there the similarities ended. His house had white siding with big windows and navy shutters, and the whole yard was perfectly flat, with trees and plant life everywhere. An expensive stone walk lead up to the porch, which had a big swinging bench on it that looked very comfortable. He told me to wait outside, and he walked our bags in. He then came out and covered my eyes, proclaiming he had a surprise for me. He lead me inside, where it smelled like summer; a little lemonade-y, grassy, and breezy all at once. He carefully led me up a staircase, and turned right immediately at the top. He opened a door, uncovered my eyes and said "Now, here's your room."

The room was gorgeous. It was so _me_. The top of the walls were a light sea foam green, kind of blurring and mixing into a peach color. Across from the door was a large canopy bed with a soft-looking sea green duvet and lots of throw pillows covering it. At the foot of the bed, about four feet away, was a soft white cotton couch. Next to that was a closet and right beside the entryway was a long white dresser. But, my favorite parts were the French double doors on the wall adjacent the couch, opening onto a small terrace, and the huge picture window on the wall side of my bed, which featured a large window sill to be used as a window seat. "Oh, Eddie," I whispered. "I adore it !" I hugged him tightly, and he lifted me into his arms again. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he carried me downstairs and outside. He showed me around the large backyard, which featured an in ground pool, a pond, and thousands of twinkle lights to light up the night when the sun went down. He also had a gazebo set up near the pond for gatherings, and a table set upon the back porch for eating outdoors. "J'adore your house Eddie !" He looked at me and smiled. But in that smile, I could tell something was up. I didn't question it, I figured he was just worried about me. I decided to put him at ease and acted especially happy for the rest of the night.

At about 9:00, I went upstairs to change. I changed into one of my favorite outfits; short black cotton shorts, and an oversized white wife-beater. I don't know why this outfit appeals to me so much, but it does. I touched up my makeup and hair. I never took my makeup off, I hated feeling ugly. I hate waking up and looking in the mirror and not having eyeliner and mascara, my main staples, on. I heard someone knock at the front door. I froze, listening to see who it might be as Eddie got it. I then laid down on my floor and put my hands around the door frame, still listening. I pulled myself into the hallway, peeking around the doorway to see who the strangers were. It was convenient that the staircase be directly across from the front door, and that my room be located where it is, because then I can look at the people, but they probably won't see me. I've started to have these irrational fears that everyone is a serial killer. Maybe I watch too much crime TV, but now I never answer my front door, just in case. I also usually don't answer the phone. I glanced at the people, and gathered that they were the neighbors from next door. And from the ones I could see, they were _sexy_. I was suddenly very glad I had just touched up my hair and makeup. I slunk inside my room and leaned against the wall to hear what they were saying. Eddie was inviting them in. He then called upstairs to me, as I knew he would. I stopped just inside my room, preparing. I checked my looks one more time, then stepped out. Looks like my luck is already changing.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder and descended the stairs, trying to look sexy. I was introduced to them all in a flurry of names. They were all sitting inside the living room, and there were a lot of them; three women and five men. I smiled at each of them; J.J., a pretty, blue-eyed blonde, Penelope, who insisted she be referred to as Garcia, another blonde, but fuller figured and more eclectic, Gideon, an older man who looked grumpy, Rossi, yet another older man, but who looked more friendly, Derek Morgan, who was cocoa skinned, muscular, the sexy one I had seen earlier, Emily Prentiss, a pretty brunette with thick eyelashes, Aaron Hotchner, who asked us to call him Hotch, and the last, but NOT the least, was Dr. Spencer Reid. I adored Reid from the moment I saw him. He was just my type. He was tall, rail-thin, with shoulder length tousled hair, and large, expressive eyes. He looked shy and nervous, sitting there twisting his fingers. Eddie offered them beers and suddenly it was a party. They all followed Eddie to the back yard, except me. I just stood there in awe, still thinking about Spencer. Eddie came back in and got the beers, then came back again to see what I was doing. He knew from the look on my face what was up, and with whom. "Oh God," he said, rolling his eyes. He lunged at me and scooped me up in his arms again. I shifted around and he was piggybacking me again. We walked outside and everyone was talking and laughing, except for Spencer. I was disappointed, because he was already sitting next to people on both sides, but, I got to sit next to Derek, which was almost as good. Eddie made a bonfire and pulled up a chair on the other side of me. No one made an effort to include me in conversation, so I took the time to eavesdrop, and I was surprised at some of the stuff I'd heard.

I found out that all of them were FBI Agents ! Legit ones, of the BAU, (Behavioral Analysis Unit), here in Quantico. I was amazed, that was so incredibly cool ! I then became convinced that my luck really _was_ turning around. All of them except for Hotch and Rossi, who were married off, lived in the house next door, because it was just easier, they said. I picked up some things about the team members, like how they called one another by their last names, except J.J., whose name was Jennifer Jareau, hence J.J. Lucky for me, Spencer was the youngest on the team, and he was referred to as Doctor because he had all these PhD's and bachelor's degrees and such. That just made me love him more ! He was apparently a genius, and I knew that this was fate right here. He really was _exactly_ my type.

I also realized that Garcia and Morgan had some sort of a flirtation thing going on. I didn't think they were dating, because they never kissed or held hands, but they always talked in sexual innuendos and such. Finally, Morgan started to pay attention to me. He asked how old I was, and where I was from." I'm fourteen," I said," I just finished my freshman year in Michigan." He smiled and nodded, saying "Now Reid's not the baby anymore !" They all laughed, except Reid, who looked up from the book I hadn't even noticed him reading, in confusion. Eddie started talking to me then, and the night started to pass. I asked him why he hadn't mentioned them before, and he told me it was because they had just moved in, that's why they were coming over to meet everyone. I nodded in understanding. My phone was on the table beside Eddie, out of my reach. It started to vibrate continuously, meaning someone was calling me. I leaned forward "See who that is," I told him. "Your parents," he told me. Everyone had become less rowdy, because it was starting to get late, so they could all hear my conversation, I could tell. "Ignore it," I told Eddie, but he ignored _me_ instead and answered it. I stood up. "Eddie ! No, you idiot ! Don't-" He shushed me with his finger, his face looked concerned. Everyone was utterly silent by then. He looked at me and handed the phone to me. I answered, very perplexed. "Hello ?" It was my mom, yelling about how my dad was drunk again. I'll never forget what she told me then. "You're going to turn out just like him, I can already tell. Sneaking around, a nobody in life, lying all the time, fat, with a dead-end job, an alcoholic, polluting the earth. I'm glad you're gone with him for the summer, I hope you never come back." She then said some other things about my worthless-ness, but I wasn't listening. I was watching everyone's faces, because of the silence, they could hear everything. They all looked utterly stunned. I wonder what my face looked like. It was probably a mixture of shock and sadness, and pure bewilderment. I never understood why she said all those things, because she wasn't drunk and she didn't do drugs. I guess that's just my life. One step up, and two steps back.

No one quite knew what to say. Reid was looking at me especially intensely, though I didn't know why. Without looking at the phone, I ended the call. I just stood there, with the phone to my ear, looking at everyone, with them looking at me. When I get angry, I don't do anything. I've never been the type to punch things, or throw things, or yell. I just get this weird look on my face, and I just stand there. Sometimes, if I'm really angry, I start pacing and shaking. Everyone started trying to console me, but I wouldn't budge. Eddie got up and walked away, covering his face with his hands. My eyes followed him as he hurried inside. I finally sat down and addressed everyone "I'm sorry to ruin your night. Carry on." They all started telling me that it was fine, that it wasn't my fault. I got up and walked over to the trampoline that Eddie bought for me, and sat on the edge of it, pulling my knees to my chest and gazing at the stars. Morgan tried to follow me, but that cranky Hotch guy grabbed his arm and told him to let me have some time alone. I kind of appreciated that. I sat there for a good hour, just watching everyone have fun. Even Reid started to have a pretty good time. Eddie came back out and re-joined the party too. It was about 11:30, and they all got quiet again and started whispering to each other, then looked over at me. Then they all just said goodbye, packed up and left. At 12, I was still sitting there, alone.

I asked Eddie if I could go for a walk, and he relented, given the circumstances. He told me only to go around the block, so that's what I did. When I arrived home, I went and sat on the terrace for a while. Eddie came in to say goodnight, and he went to bed. I was left alone with my thoughts once again. Usually I don't sleep much, even though I love to sleep. I just think too much, all the time. I'm about ninety percent positive I have insomnia. I went inside and started to write, I wrote and wrote until about 3:00am, and then I curled into the fetal position in my bed. I went to sleep thinking about how pathetic I must have seemed to my new neighbors.

I woke up to the sound of laughter. I checked the time, I had slept unusually late, it was 10:30. I got dressed in an olive-colored romper and straightened my hair and reapplied my makeup. I then went downstairs to find Eddie with his new bff's again. All except for Reid. Of course. _That was some short-lived_ _luck_, I thought to myself. Eddie informed me that we had plans all week with the team, because they uncharacteristically had the week off. "Great," I said enthusiastically. Apparently they had all hit it off last night. I was feeling hopeful as I started drinking my coffee, that maybe I had a chance with Spencer after all. I went outside to jump on my trampoline, and started warming up, doing simple flips before I started throwing hard tricks. I was half-hoping Eddie and the others who come outside, so that I could show-off. But of course they never did. I began to feel overwhelmed. All at once, I just felt so depressed. I sat down on the trampoline and put my head in my hands. I was hoping this feeling would go away when I came here for the summer. At my other house, I had always felt so isolated from everyone. And now I was feeling the same way again, just depressed and annoyed for no reason. And the whole time, in the back of my mind, all I could think of was Spencer Reid.

I really just wanted to talk to him, I'd barely said "Hi" to him the other day, and I was really regretting it. I heard Eddie and Morgan come out the back door. "Hey, Llys," Eddie said, "We're going to the zoo, c'mon !" _Maybe you'll have fun_, I told myself. But what I was really thinking was, _You'd better go, in case Spencer's there. _I felt like a complete and utter creep, always thinking about someone I barely knew. I was probably just imagining the pull I felt toward him, I just had a crush on him, that's all. At least, that's what I kept telling myself. Eddie was waiting for me, alone, in the kitchen when I went inside. "You okay ?" he asked me. "Fine," I told him, smiling brightly. He led me over to the neighbors' house, where we separated into two of their huge black SUV's, for their FBI duties, I assumed. Eddie was kind enough to make sure that he, Spencer, and I were in the same car. So, our clan consisted of Reid, Eddie, Morgan and Garcia of course, and I. Morgan drove, Garcia sat in the passenger seat, and I was sandwiched between Reid and Eddie, not that I minded. I started randomly feeling intensely happy again. I associated it with being a teenager, the stress of having crazy parents and basically moving to a town where I only knew one person. The radio was on the country station, and I couldn't help but sing along. The windows were open and the warm summer breeze was blowing my hair everywhere. "Sorry 'bout that," I told Reid, because my hair had been all up in his face. "It's fine," he told me in a soft voice. I had happened to notice that he wore mis-matched socks, as did I. "I wear mis-matched socks too, I told him, for good luck," I gave him a brilliant smile. He surprised me by replying with some enthusiasim, saying something about some random statistic. "Reid," Morgan warned him, letting him know he was getting carried away. "No, it's fine, I like it," I told them both. Reid smiled a little and started babbling on and on. I loved every minute of it. How cute is that shit ?

When we got to the zoo, we all jumped out of the car and merged into one big group. I stayed close by my original group, however, because Spencer liked to give me facts about the animals. Someone in the group finally told him to shut up, which I thought was mean. I looked at him and he looked sad, and a little embarrassed. I touched his arm softly and told him I thought it was fine. We had arrived at the goats then, so I re-directed my attention there. Everyone was leaning up against the fence in a big line, so that's what I did too. I was between Hotch and Rossi. "That looks like my Economics teacher," I said, thinking aloud, pointing at a plain white goat. Everyone laughed, except Hotch, who didn't even crack a smile, who I'm convinced _never_ smiles. When we got to the giraffe's I began to give some facts of my own. "Did you know that the giraffe has the longest tongue of any animal, even longer than the ant eater ?" I asked everyone. "I did," Reid stated, unsurprisingly. Everyone laughed at that comment. Morgan appeared behind me, and lightly punched me on the arm saying, "We've got another Spencer on our hands, now don't we ?" I stuck my tongue out him and said "You wish !" he smirked at me in response. He then whispered something in Reid's ear that sounded a lot like "-flirting with you, take the bait." I rolled my eyes and moved next to Penelope.

We explored the giant zoo the whole day, then headed home, with different groups this time. Now I was with Gideon, Derek, Emily, and Garcia. I sat between Emily and Garcia, in the back seat again. They were both friendly, asking me about my life back in Michigan. When Emily asked me if I had a boyfriend, I blushed. I've only blushed like twice in my life before, why did I have to now ? "Oooh, you like someone !" Garcia yelled. Everyone but me laughed. Thankfully, Morgan knew he dare not say a word. "What's he look like ?" Prentiss and Garcia both questioned me. "Um, well, he's tall, and his eyes are amazing." I told them vaguely. "You gotta tell us more than that !" Prentiss told me, poking me with her elbow. _They'll see right_ _through you_, I told myself, _they profile people for a living_. I decided to simply describe him until they figured it out, rather than avoiding it or telling them flat out. I still thought it was a bit early to be addressing this, we'd just met the night before, but hey, YOLO, right ?

I reluctantly began to give more detail. "Okay, um, he has wavy hair, he's smart and funny…and shy.." I was _not_ about to say he has long hair, because that's _way_ too obvious. I waited for them to put the pieces together. Morgan was absolutely dying laughing in the front seat, and I think that's part of what gave it away. Gideon was actually the first one to speak. "I should have known it. It's Reid !" Both Garcia and Prentiss whipped their heads around to look at me. "Oh my God !" Garcia screamed. "You like Spencer ! Ahhh, that's so cute !" I buried my face in my hands. "You guys are perfect for one another, I just know it,"she continued to say. They continued to fill me in on Spencer-quirks, and told me what to expect, and Morgan actually told me not to ruff him up. "He's the baby of the team, look out for him." He told me. "I'm younger than him.." I told them, as if they already didn't know. "Don't tell anyone else," I begged." Especially not Spence, not yet. Eddie already knows though." They all agreed, and we were silent for the rest of the car ride. When we arrived home at around 5:30ish, we decided to eat separately at our own houses, then reconcile at around 7:30. It was a Friday night, and I had a feeling it was going to be wild, so I asked Eddie if I could take a nap while he made dinner. He looked at me, surprised, (what with my insomnia) and agreed. I flopped on my fluffy duvet and slept deeply. I awoke to Eddie lifting me out of bed by my arm pits, and carrying me downstairs to eat. It was already 6:30, he spent a lot of time on a nice meal. We ate and talked about the day we'd had, and the night we were going to have. We would be at our house again, having a bonfire and partying, only funner, he promised me. I didn't quite get what he meant, but I put my plate aside and went to spruce up. I changed out of my romper into black leggings and a _Grey's Anatomy_ T-shirt. I put my hair into a sock bun and piled on the mascara. I then Skype'd with one of my best friends Onna, while out on the terrace. I showed her around my room, and told her how I was liking Virginia so far. I saw the agents walking outside next door, and went outside again to show them to Onna. She could barely see them, but she could see them enough to know that Derek was cute. "I have to go," I told her, "Eddie's calling me." I shut off my laptop,(whose name is Nigel) and went downstairs. Eddie and I watched Jeopardy, with me getting more answers than him correct. I looked at the clock and saw that it was exactly 7:30. It was time.

I was already sitting outside in the backyard when everyone arrived, roasting marshmallows. Derek snuck up behind me and stole my marshmallow, so I had no choice but to jump on him. He walked over to the grass and we started wrestling around; pretty soon everyone was gathered around cheering. I like to think I was winning. When those shenanigans were over, Derek suggested we play "Kidnapping." He was going to pretend to be an unsub who has kidnapped me, and they have to profile him and find me. He had the whole block as options for where to hide me. I jumped on his back and we were off; he told me we were going to the park at the far end of the street, and then behind there, there was a forest. "How long do you think it will take them to find us ?" I asked him. "Well, I used a few different tactics from about four unsubs, so a while." I had to laugh at that. He started to ask me about my home life, and he asked me about what had happened the other night. I told him the cruel outline of why I was spending the summer with Eddie, and he told me about his home life a little too; his mom and sister still lived in Chicago where he grew up. He told me about how him and the team thought it was kind of nice to have friends outside of the Bureau, and how he liked spending time with us, and he loved it that we were neighbors. "Now we have a big even number," he said. "Ten instead of eight, its perfect." The way he spoke made me really happy, like they were glad to have met Eddie and I, that we were all a part of a big exclusive group. Like it was us against the world.

We heard shuffling near us, and I couldn't help it, my irrational fears came out. I clutched at his muscled torso, burying my face. He stroked my hair, but didn't say anything. I saw Eddie's face peer around the bush "Boo !" He said. Morgan and I stood up, brushing the leaves off of one another. Suddenly, Morgan picked me up and placed me effortlessly on his shoulders. "Do you even weigh a hundred pounds yet ?" he asked me. I was too stunned to reply, but Eddie nodded no. They all looked at me weird. Morgan let me ride on his neck the whole way home. "My turn !" Penelope said. We all cracked up. "Where's Reid ?" I asked. Morgan struggled to keep his composure, since J.J., Hotch, and Rossi still did not know that I had a crush on him. "Backyard," J.J. told me. Reid was sitting alone in the same chair as yesterday, reading something. I looked at the title _Gray's Anatomy, by Henry Gray_. "I have that book," I told him. "I'm reading it now." "Really ?" He looked doubtful. "I'm really into medical stuff, and besides, I love to read." I told him quietly. He nodded and awkwardly went back to reading. I took the hint and walked away. I sat, unsocial, for the rest of the evening.

For the next few days of their vacation, the routine was basically the same. Eddie and Morgan having coffee at my house, then all of us going out to do something for the day, separating for dinner, then the bonfire. Repeat. When they all went back to work, it was hard not seeing them every day anymore, because we had all become so close. I secretly stayed up at night and set my alarm for the morning, so I could see them coming to and from work. One day, the first Monday without the team around, so ten days after I came to Virginia, Eddie went to run some errands, and I found myself alone. I turned up the radio in the living room, and started dancing and singing, acting as I went along. No one knew that I did this, because I always did it when no one was home. I always did it in the living room so I could compose myself before someone came home. I got bored of that after a while, and I began to write poems. I must've written twelve love poems by the time Eddie came home ! (We all know who they were about.) Eddie and I went swimming after that, and that was basically the day.

Eddie got a job that week, so I was basically always alone, left with my annoying thoughts. I was so bored, without the team or Eddie to entertain me. I decided to go outside and go tanning. I must've been out there for an hour when I heard someone's voice calling my name. It was Morgan ! He had come over with lunch to surprise me ! That was truly one of the nicest things anyone had done for me. We talked and laughed our way through his lunch hour, then I hugged him and he left. I was outside in the backyard, just aimlessly wandering when I saw it. A shadow. Behind me. I knew that I was not fabricating a possible crazy psycho behind me. I knew it was real. I screamed, so loud. It was the loudest sound I had ever heard. I lunged forward, desperately trying to escape. But he extended his arm toward me and stabbed me in the neck with a needle, injecting an unknown liquid into my body. I could only look over in horror at the needle protruding from my brachial plexus, the bundle of nerves near where the neck and shoulder meet. I could feel my body start to slow down, and everything moved in slow-mo. I slumped toward the grass, and I was laying on my side with my cheek against the grass, blinking slowly at the blurriness, when he dipped his head in front of my line of vision and looked me in the eyes. His dark eyes were the last things I saw before the darkness consumed me.

I woke up in what looked like a dingy basement. There were no windows or door that I could see, and a single lit bulb hung from the very center of the ceiling. Everything was painted a muted brown color, and the floor had soft brown carpeting. I was chained on a lumpy mattress on the floor, with, you guessed it, brown sheets covering it. I felt a brief bit of relief, I knew that the team would find me. They could profile me so easily, Morgan had a lot of information about me, and my past. Plus, they had Eddie. The question was, how soon could they get to me ? And would I even be alive ? Thankfully, the manacles weren't cutting into the soft flesh on my wrists or my ankles. Also, I was positive I hadn't been molested. But I was so afraid that I would be. I wondered what he had injected into me; I could think of a lot of drugs off the top of my head, because I hoped to work in the medical field when I was older. I began to recall ways of communication I had seen on crime television shows. I wondered if they would apply to real life. I also wondered if the abductor would contact the team or Eddie somehow, by phone or video. If it was by video, then I was in luck. Then again, I was never in luck.

My reverie was shattered by a loud bang, and the appearance of the abductor. My hunch had been right, we were in a basement, because he came in through a door in the ceiling. But that also made us harder to find. He didn't speak to me, he only carefully watched my face as he withdrew a knife. I composed myself, I knew he wanted to see the fear, so I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing it. He suddenly stopped approaching me with the knife, and looked at his cell phone. "Ah," he said. "It's 3:00, Eddie will be arriving home any minute." He smiled devilishly. I gave him _the face_. _The face_ is when I widen my already large eyes, and raise my eyebrows slightly, creating a sad/innocent/bewildered effect that I've seen, firsthand, bring tears to people's eyes. He seemed immune to it, but I kept the expression anyway, hoping to wear him down. He walked slowly and deliberately towards me again. I began to realize that he was going to mutilate me, and then video contact them, that's why he had chosen this time, because they would all just be realizing that I had been kidnapped, and my cuts would be fresh and bleeding. It was odd. I felt so calm. Maybe because my whole life, I had stopped being surprised when bad things happened to me. And I always knew that something like this was destined to happen to me, I kind of forsaw it. I always saw crazy psycho encounters to be inevitable. He sat down on the bed in front of me. His movements still deliberately slow, he grabbed my arm, and put the blade to it. He slowly dragged it down, from my elbow on my right arm, all the way to the wrist, pressing it hard to make it deep. I couldn't rein it in, the pain was intense, I screamed deafeningly loud. The scream haunted me, I couldn't even recognize my voice in it. I knew enough not to struggle, to let him think he had the upper hand. Because If I tried to fight him, he would only hurt me more, maybe even kill me, if that wasn't his intention already. He threw the knife down and unexpectedly brought his fist up, punching me right in the cheekbone on my left side. I knew what a huge bruise it would make, but I knew the bone wasn't broken. He kicked me in the ribs, over and over, with my insane scream echoing off the walls. Tears began to stream down my injured face. I whispered "I want Spencer. Where is he ? _I want Spencer_ !" "Spencer ?" He questioned. "I thought it was Eddie !" I said nothing. He turned away, and I feebly tried to stop the bleeding from my arm. I was in so much pain. I hadn't even known that it was possible to feel this level of pain. The shock and adrenaline were wearing off, fear bubbled up inside me, deep and quick. I was suddenly almost paralyzed by fear, by the thought of never seeing Eddie, my friends, my sister, or the BAU Team again. I wanted to see them all one last time, I wanted to tell Spencer how much I liked him. I knew he felt isolated and socially awkward, and I wanted him to know that I loved him. That I loved him for him. In that moment, I just wanted to see my Virginia family, and tell them that I loved them.

I began to recall all the times I had spoken with Spencer since that first day, I counted 6 conversations. That wasn't enough, it wouldn't ever be enough. The blood, my blood, was everywhere by now. My navy tank top was absolutely saturated with crimson, rust-and-salt smelling blood. Even my big hands weren't enough to cover the deep laceration. I couldn't get my shirt off of my body to stop the bleeding even if I wanted to, due to the chains. My ribs hurt worse than both my face and my arm, and I knew that a few of them were broken. I was having trouble breathing, and I was terrified that splinters of my ribs would puncture a lung, or both, and cause a pnemothorax (collapsed lung.)I knew that I had to set my arm bone back into place, or it would require surgery. I gripped my arm and snapped the bone into its original place. It hurt worse than when he had broken my arm. The kidnapper didn't even turn around at the sound of my horrid screams. I looked up at him, and he was setting up a video camera and a stool. Lucky for me, he had set it up right across from me, undoubtedly so they could see me, injured and crying, in the background. This was lucky because I could go through with my plan- use sign language in the background, so that the crazy unsub couldn't see or hear it. He turned the video camera on, and called a number at the same time.

He put the phone on speaker. I could hear Eddie crying, and Hotch trying to calm him down. Garcia was hacking my computer(which I was mad about) and Reid was trying to gather a profile with everyone else. The unsub commanded that Hotch put Eddie on the phone. "Hello. It's a good thing you answered the phone. Now turn on your video camera, and try to control your blubbering," the unsub told Eddie. They did as they were told. Eddie and Gideon were foremost on the screen, with Reid, J.J., and Prentiss in the background. The psycho turned to me and said, "Who was that you were crying for earlier ?" "Spencer," I whispered, horrified. "Ah yes," he said, turned to face the camera now. " Who's Spencer ? Do we know a Spencer ?" Gideon immediately moved out of the way, and Reid took his place. "Me, I-I'm S-Spencer." He told the unsub. "Turning back to me again, "This is the guy you were whimpering for ? You've _got_ to be kidding !" He laughed, a short, loud guffaw. He started to talk back and forth with them, and Eddie looked at me pleadingly, seeing how much I was bleeding. I had to look away at the tears in his eyes. I started to sign to them. The first thing I signed was "Look in my notebook." That was for Spencer, I wanted him to see the poems I had written for him, in case I didn't make it out of this alive. I could tell he saw it, and understood. His acting was perfect, you couldn't even tell that he wasn't paying attention to the unsub. I smiled a little through my tears. I signed what I knew about the location of the place, and what I had gathered about the unsub. The last thing I signed was for Eddie, "Miss you every minute."

The abductor left the video camera on, but told them he would talk no more. Making sure they could see, he walked over to me and began to beat me again, worse than before. I knew they could hear my screams, but I couldn't help it. He took out the knife again, and made another laceration on my right arm. He then stomped on my arm, as hard as he could. I heard the snap, and I'm sure the team did too. The pain became unbearable, and the darkness claimed me once again. I'm sure it was much later when I came to. The abductor had wrapped a tourniquet around my arm to slow the bleeding. He was across the room and watched me wake up. "It's a new day," he told me. That meant I had been abducted since about noon yesterday. "Time ?" I asked him, my voice barely more than a croak. "Two p.m." he said. "You've been out for a while." He smiled a creepy pedophile-ish grin. I knew then that I didn't want to make it out of here. I would re-live this situation every single day if I lived. I _wanted_ him to kill me, I didn't want to end up looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, having nightmares and going crazy. I didn't want to live like that. I began to hope he would kill me.

He then left through the door in the ceiling. Once I was alone, I began to cry again. I sat there, whimpering Spencer's name for a good half hour. I had nothing to brace my broken arm with, so I could barely move. I couldn't stand the silence, and I started to get mad at myself for being such a wimp. Then I heard the unsub approach the door again. I realized that at the same time every day he would leave, and then come back and contact the BAU. I knew that they would be waiting. I also came to the realization that I hadn't eaten or drank anything in two days. I knew that I wouldn't last much longer with my injuries, because I was bleeding out, starving and dehydrated. I also needed to pee, but there was _no way_ I was going to pee my pants. Luckily, the man came over, undid the cuffs that bound me, and led me into a room that I hadn't been able to see around because of the protruding wall next to my sleeping quarters. He let me go in alone and pee. For that I was very grateful. I also got a Dixie cup full of water, which I re-filled three times. Then he dragged me over to my bed and chained me again. I screamed the whole time, because he chained my broken arm, and just moving hurt it so much. He turned on the video camera, and this time Spencer and Eddie were there at the camera. I'm sure my face lit up when I saw them. I wondered how terrible I looked; there hadn't been a mirror in the bathroom, probably because I would have broken it and stabbed him with the shards. I looked down, my arm looked gross, because of the blood and wounds all over it. My clothes were completely bloodstained. I wished I could have cleaned the wound out with water, but I knew that I couldn't, because the dried blood covering it was the only thing to keep me from bleeding out. I couldn't figure out why the kidnapper had only injured my right arm… I began to sign to Reid again, "help me, help me" over and over. I never saw it coming when the kidnapper turned to me, pulled out some sort of weapon, and shot a needle full of an unknown substance at me. It hit me on my left arm, my good arm, and instantly self-injected. Eddie and the team looked horrified. Reid's face was the last thing I saw before I slipped into a deep slumber.

When I was asleep, I had a very disturbing dream. I was alone, in a dark field. It wasn't night, but everything was dark. Overhead, large clouds loomed on the horizon. It was gray and velvety blue out, like just before a big storm. It was windy, and I was standing in that field that stretched on forever, in all directions, turning in a circle, looking for something, anything. There were no trees, no people, no animals, no sun. Just me, standing in a sea of tall grass blowing wildly in the wind. I kept turning in a circle for a long time, my hair whipping around my face.

I opened my eyes, and tried to stretch. Everything hurt, my whole body was searing with intense pain. My stomach was growling, and my ribs and arm were not happy with me for getting up and walking yesterday. I was weaker, I could feel it. My face was starting to hurt more too. The person who had snatched me was nowhere around. I _had_ to figure out a way to get out of these handcuffs. I couldn't just sit here and do nothing. I had to get out myself, because no one was going to find me in this basement in the middle of nowhere. What do you do when you call the police to help you, but they don't know where you are, and you can't tell them ?

I was taken on a Tuesday, and now it was a Friday, I think. I don't even know anymore. I was dying, I suddenly realized. I could feel it. I was getting an infection, probably sepsis, a bacterial infection of the blood, that can kill you very quickly. Within a day. I felt a bit relieved, but at the same time, I felt I owed it to the team to fight. My wounds had been open for three days now, and I was still without food. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I gasped for breath, but I couldn't get enough in. I must've passed out, because then I was dreaming again.

I was still alone, but this time, there were two of me. One was me regular, without the injuries, standing over my form now, lifeless and dying. Regular me, the one I could control, leaned over injured me and started to stop the bleeding. I set my bones and sat down beside myself, stroking my hair and comforting myself. Even in my dreams, I couldn't be saved.

I woke up to the psycho talking to the video camera. "I think she's dead, I dunno." I lifted my head a little, but I didn't have it in me to sign. I tried, I needed to tell them that I was dying, but I couldn't. He came over to me and started cutting me again, but this time, I couldn't even scream, I was so weak. But it hurt, more than words could express. My poor arm would probably never be the same. But then again, neither would I.

I was so scared. In that moment, it was the most scared I'd been the whole time I'd been kidnapped. I was just lying there, unable to move and unable to scream, unable to do anything but think. The unsub had left the video camera on, and I knew they could all see me. He was sitting in the corner, watching me. I was scared because I knew that even if I was found right now, I wouldn't be able to talk, to tell anyone how much they meant to me before I died. And that made me afraid. My kidnapper sat on the stool in front of the camera again, and started talking to the team as if they were all old friends. He made me sick, not like I already wasn't. He was so calm, this must've been his plan all along. He looked back at me, and then I'll never forget what I heard him say. He gave the team our exact location, and instructions on how to get here. "You'll never get to her I time. You'll never be able to save her. She's already too far gone."

Hearing those words just made me more determined than ever to fight to stay alive. It took all of my strength just to keep my eyelids propped open. With one last glance at me, the green-eyed kidnapper escaped through the hatch in the ceiling. I never saw him again.

It would take the team about another forty-five minutes just to reach me. I wanted to be awake when Spencer came for me. I wanted his face to be the last thing I ever saw, if I was indeed dying. It was funny, in an ironic way of course, how I missed Reid the most in the time of my capture, yet I knew him the least. I had only known him for a few short weeks, and had only held a handful of conversations with him, yet those conversations had the most meaning. I thought about my dying wish some more, and the oddity of it all. That I should want to see these people all one last time, even though I hadn't really known them.

I passed out again, from the pain again as well. _This can't be healthy to lose consciousness this much, _I thought to myself. I heard leaves rustling then. "Spencer, help me ! Please, I miss you, please. I need you, hurry ! I need you to-" I was cut off by the door being busted in, by Morgan, no doubt. Paramedics were the first ones in the room. They came over to me and tried to talk to me, but I was not having it. "Spe-(gasp for air)ncer, Dr.(more gasping) Spencer Reid. Where(gasp) is (gasp) he ?" I demanded. Just then Reid himself entered the room. My face lit up into a mega-watt smile. He rushed over to me and held my left hand. "It's going to be okay now," he promised. And indeed, the perfect face of Spencer Reid was the last thing I ever saw.

My hearts last beat was only for Spencer.

I never saw a bright light, or a divine figure, or any dead relatives in my death. In fact, I didn't really see anything all that spectacular. However, I still me, and that was enough for me. I emerged in a large clearing. It wasn't any place I'd seen before, it was simply a normal meadow with wildflowers. Not the kind of place you'd expect for the afterlife. It wasn't gloriously sunny, or filled with spores of happiness and light and joyous sparkling ponies or anything, it was just, a meadow. "That's disappointing," I commented to myself. "And I'm still fricking alone. I guess I wasn't kidding when I always said forever alone." It was strange, I didn't have any feeling here. It was creepy, I felt like a robot. I'd never experienced anything like that feeling since that day, that odd sensation of nothingness. No intense calm, no wretched sadness, no impenetrable joy. And then I was being sucked out, sucked out of the meadow, through a tunnel. It was in slow motion, so I could see the pictures that the tunnel consisted of. They were pictures and flashbacks of my life, memories. And then reality snapped back like a rubber band, harsh and painful.

Everything was _loud_. People yelling, the defibrillator charging(for me ?), people crying and screaming in pain, in grief. I looked over and saw my love(I've been dead, I'm all wise and stuff now, I can say its love if I want !) with his hands against the glass, looking in on me. Doctors were working over me non-stop, cleaning my wounds, inserting intravenous fluid drips, the usual. Someone cut off my shirt to check the extent of the damage to my ribs. I felt kind of awkward being shirtless in front of Reid, we weren't to that point in our relationship yet !(Aha, I'm so funny. You have to respect me now what with the whole dying thing. I can say anything, it's a free for all.)

I woke up(I was getting mighty tired of all this lost time) to find every team member sleeping in my hospital room. My arm was completely encased from hand to humerus, in a purple plaster cast. Three ribs on the left side and one on the right were taped up, and my cheekbone had a large lump on it. _I probably look hideous right now_, I thought. Eddie was sitting in a chair next to my bed on my right, with Spencer on the left. They were both sitting the exact same way almost, leaned forward towards me with their heads laying on the side of the bed. I stroked both of their hair, excited that I could finally pet Reid's sexy light brown locks. Eddie awoke first, and shot up instantly, squeaking the chair and waking everyone else up. Chaos erupted. First, Eddie encased me in a giant hug. "Oww, the ribs bro, the ribs." I told him. They all asked me how I felt and the usual, until they were escorted out by a nurse. "One visitor at a time,"she told them ." I don't care if you're FBI agents or not." Without hesitation, Reid was the one who stayed.

He had stayed silent the whole time everyone else was in the room, and now he looked at me with fear in his eyes. I grabbed his hand without falter. He looked me right in the eye. He looked as though he were mustering up the courage to ask me something, and he took a deep breath. "Were you really crying for me when you were,um.." he trailed off awkwardly. "Yes," I told him. "Thinking of you kept me alive down there. I'm sorry," I told him. "Sorry for what ?" he asked me incredulously. "For dying," I whispered. I looked up into his face. "After I saw you, I let myself go. I fulfilled my dying wish." "I don't, I don't….understand." He told me. "Neither do I. But being with you, having you around me seems as natural as anything. It's like…a habit. Like looking both ways before crossing the street, like checking behind the shower curtain for serial killers, like bitching out the person who was mean to your best friend.. I don't know how to be without you, Spencer Reid." I looked at his face after I was done with my little speech. He still looked confused. "I'm sorry," I apologized again. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, having love professed to you by someone you've known for about a month, when you obviously don't want to be involved with a crazy little girl with baggage and-" He cut me off. "Don't, don't say that." He whispered fervently. "I really like you too, I like talking to you, I like being with you…I just, don't know how. I don't know how to do this. I don't know if I _can_ do this." "Spencer, all you have to do is just be you. That's all I want. And I never thanked you for saving my life down there. Besides keeping me alive mentally, you were the one who put the clues together, who understood my messages. There aren't words to express my gratitude for something like that, so the rest of my life I will devote to making it up to you. I'm basically your bitch," I told him, laughing a little. I winced as my ribs protested. Spencer blushed. Before he could reply, I couldn't resist sitting up quickly and kissing his cheek.

We descended into awkward silence after that, after pouring our hearts out to one another. We were saved by Morgan, poking his head in and complaining. "C'mon, we all want to see her today, pretty boy !" Reluctantly, Reid stood up and exited the room, giving me his signature wave. Morgan strolled in and plopped into the chair, and the contrast between him and its former occupant was almost comical. All traces of the joking from a moment before were now gone from his face. He looked at me seriously, and grasped my uninjured hand."We'd thought we'd lost you, kiddo. Well actually, I guess we did there, for a little while. Don't ever do that again, I mean it. Gideon and Rossi are getting up there, and honestly, I don't think they can handle all this !" He cracked a slight smile, but it did not reach his eyes. "What was his motive ? Why did he do this to me ?" I questioned him, genuinely curious. "We're not discussing this case until you are well." I perceived what he was hinting at. "You don't think I can handle it ? Come on !" But I relinquished my efforts, seeing no point in arguing, I knew he wouldn't budge. He stroked my hair and strode out of the room without another word. The next person in was Penelope, and she was all but hysterical. "I thought I'd lost one of my babies ! You cannot do that to me ! My youngest baby, oh gosh.." She babbled and cried at the same time, sinking into the chair, and then looking up furiously at me. "Do you know what you almost did to Reid ? Do you _know_ the last time he liked someone outside of the team ?" I used my cast to wack her with. "Yes, I've been wanting to do that ! I feel like I could incapacitate someone with this thing !" She said nothing, but rubbed her arm where I had jabbed her. She gazed thoughtfully at me for a moment before stating "You really should rest now, and stop twisting around, or your ribs will never heal !" she scolded me. In typical Garcia fashion, she dramatically summoned a nurse to give me sleep medication. "The rest of the team will have to wait until later, she said, winking at me on the way out. I smiled back and felt the meds seep into my veins, sending me into an exceptional sleep.

I woke up feeling more angry than well-rested. "It should be criminal to sleep this much. I mean, I love to sleep, but this is ridiculous. I know that your body heals during sleep, but honestly.." I turned to Eddie, sitting beside me. He looked relieved to see me awake and being my usual grumbly self. "What day is i?", I asked him. He laughed at that. "It's still the same day it was when you were up earlier, Monday." "What ?" I asked. "That's ridiculous ! I was rescued on a Friday !" "All of the medication made you comatose for a couple of days, to help with the healing process," he informed me. "Oh." Was my conversationalist reply. "I gotta tell ya, I would die for some Oreo's right now," I told him. I felt horrible when I saw him wince at the word "die". He said nothing as he left the room in search of my cookies. I sat up a little, noticing slightly less pain in my ribs as I shifted. I finger-combed my wavy locks, and ran my finger under my eyes, wiping away any smudged eyeliner. I looked up as the door opened quietly, expecting Eddie, but instead finding Reid. He greeted me with the wave I had come to expect. He sat down next to me and produced a bunch of yellow flowers from behind his back. "They're stunning ! Thank you ! " I told him, truly meaning it. I sniffed them shyly, and looked around for a place to set them. He retrieved them from me and put them on the table on the other side of the bed, before sitting down and clearing his throat. "So, how are you feeling ?" he asked me. "Actually, not too bad," I replied. "Well, I was thinking that maybe you'd like to get out of this room," he told me. "Yes ! I told him. I feel like I'm living inside a piece of chalk, I _need _to see color !" He nodded to someone I couldn't see, and they opened the door, producing a wheelchair. The friendly-looking male nurse lifted me out of bed and placed me in the chair. Of course my annoying morphine drip had to come with me. Finally Spencer and I were able to exit the room without being attached to my lumpy hospital bed. He wheeled me into a room that I believed to be the Rec room. He parked me chair in front of the window, and sat on the couch right beside me. The entire team entered the room then, and I realized the plot. "Clever," I told them. They had all wanted to see me and talk to me, so they lured me out of my room. We talked and laughed, having a good time, just being together. It was almost like before I was kidnapped. My Oreo's were delivered, along with a pack of multi-colored Sharpie's, so everyone took turns signing my cast. I let Reid sign it last, and told him to be creative with his. He seemed to know what I meant. In typical Reid fashion, he put an interesting and informative quote on it, along with his name. When we arrived back at my room, I thanked him for the amazing night. It was a really sweet thing for him to do, and it just made me appreciate him more. I got brave and asked him to spend the night with me, and the nurse brought in a cot for him. I made him put it right next to my bed, and I slept with my arm hanging over the side, my good hand holding his. Several times during the course of the night I woke up, and peeked over the bed at him, marveling at his beauty.

In the morning is when the fear struck me. I realized that my kidnapper hadn't been caught, that he probably wouldn't be. Unless he came back for me. But there was no way that I was going to tell anyone about my fears, because I knew what they would do. Shrink time ! I always told anyone who would listen that if I ever saw a shrink, I would punch them in the face, and then I could be charged with assault. Not good. The good news was that I would be going home later today, which I was obviously insanely happy about. It was just Eddie and I right now, because everyone else had had to return to work. We silently packed up my belongings, and I was again banished to the inevitable wheelchair. When we got outside, I leaped out of the chair and jumped on Eddie. He held me tightly, and spun me around. I was worried about him, he seemed so different, so reformed now. I felt like he was in worse shape than me, even. And it was all my fault. If I hadn't been stupid enough to get kidnapped, if I had been smart enough to escape sooner…arriving home interrupted my thoughts. I climbed out of the car and ran right to my room and powered on my laptop. I had missed it so much, my whole life was on it, but Eddie had refused to bring it to the hospital because he knew that I wouldn't get any sleep. It was hard for me to type with only one hand, my bad hand at that. But, whaddya gonna do ?

I lay sprawled on the couch, bored, scribbling on my cast. I wanted Spencer to be home already. I still had two hours until he was due home, and I had occupied myself with everything possible already. I sat bolt upright, and finally realized something. "Eddie, what did Spencer think of all of those poems I had written for him ? He saw them right, he looked in my notebook ?" "Yes, he saw them alright. I never saw someone look so determined." "What ?" I asked, confused now. "After he read those, he was so determined to find you. He kept saying "I need to find her. We _have_ to find her." "So you think that he likes me ?" I asked him, hopeful. Reid had told me that he liked being with me, but I wasn't sure that his affinity for me was quite as strong as mine for him. "Shut up ! **Shut up** about that kid already ! Reality check, he's way older than you ! Nothing's gonna happen, it doesn't even matter so just _shut up already_." I looked at him like he'd slapped me across the face. It felt like he had. Without another thought, I ran out the front door and slammed it behind me. I kept running, until I reached the end of the block. I stopped searching for somewhere to go. I couldn't go crying like a baby to the FBI headquarters, and I _wouldn't_ go back home, so I just kept running.

For the first time, I began to regret my decision to come and spend the summer with Eddie. I missed my friends a lot, and I missed my sister. And as bad as my parents were sometimes, they weren't _all _ bad, all the time. I began to wish that I had tried harder to get along with them instead of taking the easy way out and running away to Virginia for the summer. But I couldn't go back to Michigan, not now. I had the team. Eddie's words echoed in my head, and I began to wonder if I'd misjudged the whole situation. Maybe this whole time the team had just felt sorry for me. They probably all thought that I was weird, that I was such a baby. They probably thought I should have been smarter and escaped, or never been kidnapped in the first place. This whole time, the agents probably thought that I was annoying and that they shouldn't _have_ to save me. Maybe even Dr. Reid thought I was weird, that I was a creepy stalker, that I was a mental case, telling him that I loved him. He was probably coming up with ways to shake me off right now. I slowed down to a speed walk. Truth be told, my ribs were killing me, but I wasn't about to stop. I checked my phone, I had been gone about an hour. Eddie hadn't even tried to call.

I felt horrible, like everyone here hated me. I could just imagine their thoughts, _"It's so annoying to have to take care of this little kid, always needing saving, always stressing everyone out." _ How juvenile of me to think that anyone could like me, let alone someone that I liked a lot. I thought of Eddie's words again. I hoped that Spencer didn't think that I wanted to date him, I knew that wasn't right. I just wanted him to be my person, to be there. He was the only one I knew in the entire world that had never called me weird, who had never judged me. I could truly be myself around him, spouting out weird facts and doing nerdy things without ridicule. I sat on the edge of a fountain in a town I had never been in, immersed in my musings. I began to wish that I had stayed dead, what was the point of living now ? I had just alienated anyone who may or may not have cared about me. I was scared, I was sad, I was in pain, emotional and physical, and I was hungry. Things could not have gotten worse.

I was starting to feel everything again. Starting to feel everything I had been trying to suppress bubble up inside me, hot and fast. I was alone, and vulnerable. But I would not let myself cry. I couldn't believe that no one had come to find me yet. I hadn't expected the whole BAU team to come running after me, but I had expected at least an appearance from Eddie. Even a call or text would have been nice.

These feelings brought me back to an earlier philosophy that I had abandoned when I came to Virginia. That each person we let ourselves care about, is just one more loss, somewhere down the line. I realized how true that statement rang, especially now. I would find a way to take care of myself, I couldn't be a burden any longer. In a moment of unsurpassed stupidity, I retrieved my cellphone from my pocket and set it on the ledge of the fountain. I didn't look back as I walked away.

I started to feel better as I walked. I hadn't been stupid when I left the house, I was wearing shoes and appropriate clothing, and my hair and makeup looked decent. It sounds shallow, but at that moment, that made me feel a lot better. My cast was becoming hot and itchy, but I couldn't do anything about that. I had left the house around two, it was three-thirty now. Flashbacks suddenly hit me, this was about the time my abductor would contact the FBI every day. Previously caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't thought about how the kidnapper might be lurking somewhere. I was willing to take that chance, I wasn't worth anything anymore anyway, so might as well have some fun while I could, go out with a bang. I had never done anything particularly rebellious before in my life, so I guess this was a first. I had never run away before, never slammed a door... I guess I already had a start. I walked aimlessly for hours, I must have been at least two towns away. I went into a book store to pass the time. I couldn't concentrate, I began to get distracted and stare blankly out the window. I wouldn't admit to myself that this whole time, I wished that Spencer would be my knight in shining whatever, and come to rescue me. I began to be swallowed by my thoughts again. I felt as though I was having a mental breakdown, or a mid-life crisis. I felt like the titanic, supposedly invincible, yet so fragile when it came to hardship. And this ship was going down.

I wondered if anyone was even looking for me, if they had noticed I was gone, if they were even curious to know how I was doing. _You're pathetic_, I told myself. I was leaving the book store when someone grabbed my arm. "Hey, you're that girl from the news ! They said you were missing, again !" The owner of the bookstore told me, leading me to the phone on his desk. It was fate, I couldn't fight it. He called the number on the paused TV screen. _That's not Eddies number_, I thought to myself. My puzzlement was answered when the owner greeted the man on the other end. "Yes, is this Dr. Spencer Reid ? I've found the girl that you were looking for. Yeah. Yeah, she's right next to me. Yep, Grogan's Bookshop, two miles out of Quantico, little town called Triangle. Alright, see you in five minutes. Buh-bye." He looked at me sympathetically. "Your friend's coming to get you now, fun's over," he told me. I was spinning around on the little stool beside the cash register when Spencer walked in. He rushed right over to me. I stood on the stool and threw my arms around him, cast and all. He actually hugged me back.

"You're my knight in shining whatever !" I told him giddily. He led me over to the same fountain I had sat at hours before. I looked at him, looking at me, with those wide, sincere eyes, and I let everything I'd been feeling spill out. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I messed everything up _again_, didn't I ? I made you worry again, and I made you come rescue me again. You must be so tired of having to save me, having to protect me…I'm so, so sorry Spencer. I really am. You've been so good to me, and your team has been so good to me, and I always mess everything up, and I don't know what to do, and…I should have died down in that basement, I know I should have, but I thought maybe I could use my second chance to turn things around…" "Don't ever say that you should have died," he whispered to me. "It's not your fault that you needed time away. It was the right thing to do, you didn't break anything, you didn't hurt anyone, you didn't stay there and tear things up. You took control and left. You needed time away, and you took care of it. Eddie was in the wrong, not you. _It's not your fault_." He insisted to me. "You're nicer to me than I deserve," I told him, tears filling my eyes. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me closer to him. I buried my face in his chest, knowing that he was, indeed, the only person on Earth that understood me.

He led me into a small coffee shop after that, and bought me a latte. He sat across from me, drinking a triple-shot espresso. " So, uh…Morgan was really upset when Eddie told him what happened, and uh.. he kind of…punched Eddie in the face…" he said this to me as though I should feel bad for Eddie. Which I didn't. "That's so nice !" I told him honestly. "You guys are truly nicer to me than anyone else. So, you saw my notebook, right ?" I asked him. "Ah, yes, I did. I have to tell you though, I honestly don't comprehend how you could like me so much. That day at the zoo…I felt like I was annoying you so much, but, I just couldn't stop. I'm so socially awkward, and you're so…you make everyone want to be around you, you have like, some inner thing, that attracts people, you have _it_. That thing that charms people instantly, you turn heads wherever you go, haven't you noticed ? he looked at his hands as he spoke, twisting his fingers around. "Have _you_ noticed the kind of people I attract, ?"I asked him. "You and the BAU team are the only good people, besides my friends back home, that I attract. I attract kidnapping psycho unsubs for God's sake ! And for the record, that day at the zoo, I loved everything you said. Haven't you noticed that I do the same thing ? I love to tell people insane facts that they would never know otherwise. It annoys everyone I know…except for you." "I never thought of it that way," he told me honestly. He stood up abruptly, spilling his espresso in the process. I helped him clean it up, and he told me it was time to go. I complied, and we walked out of the small shop together, just two nerds on a hot summer night.

We got into the SUV, and rode in silence back to Eddie's house. Being a gentleman, when we arrived, Spencer came around the car and opened my car door for me. When he turned around, I swooned, gazing after him as he walked his adorable nerd-swagger walk. I stood behind him as he opened the door to reveal a barrage of people in my living room. Eddie was sitting alone, holding his nose. He jumped up as he saw me, yelling again. Chaos erupted as everyone tried to calm one another down. Hotch and Gideon held Morgan back as he lunged at Eddie again, who Garcia and JJ were trying to console. But still, he yelled at me. "Do you realize how irresponsible and _stupid_ that was ?" he screamed at me. "You're _fourteen_, stop acting like a child and grow up and realize what reality is !" I looked at him and laughed. Everyone looked at me then, and grew silent. I stared Eddie right in the face, walked closer and said " Do _you_ realize how stupid _you_ are ? You say _I'm_ acting like a juvenile, take a look in the mirror. I got kidnapped and beaten, and my act is _still_ more cleaned up than yours. Hypocrisy's a bitch, huh ?" With that, I strode up to my room, alone.

I heard Spencer follow me nervously. He stopped outside my door, unsure of what to do next. I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside, shutting the door after him. I turned and put my back against the door, sliding to the ground. He dutifully sat cross legged next to me, and looked at me expectantly. "Well, that went well," I commented to him. He smiled, but I could see it was forced. "What's wrong ?" I asked him, genuinely concerned. I scooted closer to him until we were knee-to-knee. He look up at me then, and he looked so child-like and sad, it made me feel horrible, like I'd put him through all of this. "You don't deserve this," he whispered, looking down. Right then, I had to literally fight the urge to kiss him. I wanted to so badly, the desire was eating me up, but I knew it was wrong. It was more than just the age difference, it was everything. I settled for leaning in and giving him a big hug, and whispering back ,"Neither do you."

He looked at me questioningly. "I'm sorry I put you and the other agents through this. I know I keep saying that, but I truly mean it," "through what ?" he asked. "You do keep repeating that, but you have to realize, finding you and saving you from the kidnapper was our job, and finding you when you were in trouble was being a friend. It's not a burden, it's what friends do for each other." Morgan ruined the moment by busting into the room. He grabbed me under the arms and lifted me up, hugging me, but being careful of my ribs. "I've missed you kiddo ! We just got you back, and you were gone again ! I've gotta keep a better eye on you." He winked at me. Spencer looked up at us from the floor. "C'mon Pretty Boy, we're gonna go reunite the gang !" Derek's excitement was contagious, I followed him downstairs excitedly. Everyone was talking and laughing, but they grew silent when I entered the room. I struck a pose, and it broke the ice; we all hugged and "I'm sorry-d" and what not. Eddie must've went to his room, because he didn't come out for the rest of the night. Rossi and Gideon went home to get some sleep, but everyone else stayed, regardless of their work the next morning. We all had to decide what movie to watch, and we finally agreed on _The Waterboy_. You can't go wrong with Adam Sandler movies ! By the time the agents left, it was eleven o'clock. I trudged upstairs, afraid that Eddie would wake up and start acting like a little bitch again. I locked my bedroom door just in case. I slipped out onto my terrace, just watching the stars. I thought back to a couple of weeks ago, the first day Eddie and I spent with the neighbors. I remembered how excited I was, and how I had stood in this same spot, waiting impatiently like a little girl. I gazed fondly down at my arm, where the BAU Agents had all signed my cast. Still smiling, I went inside and went to bed.

When I awoke in the morning, Eddie and I still weren't speaking. Throughout the day, we hadn't said one word to one another. Garcia texted me to tell me they all had to work late, and to hang in there. So basically I was on my own on a Wednesday in the summer, in a town where I didn't know anyone, and my only available friend wasn't speaking to me. My cast was water-proof, so I decided to go for a swim. When I entered the back yard, I stopped at the end of the path by the gazebo. I was terrified of walking to the inground pool, because it was in the middle of the backyard, near where the incident had happened. I took a deep breath and continued anyway. Part of the way to the pool, I stopped again. What was I thinking ? I couldn't do this. I was about to give myself a panic attack ! _Man up,_ I told myself. I ran up to the edge, and did a front tuck into the pool. The cool water instantly calmed me, I could swim before I could walk, so being in the water felt effortless to me. I stayed near the edge though, in case I needed to make a quick escape. For lack of anything better to do, I began to hold my breath under water as long as I could. A sudden shadow over me made me scramble for the edge, completely freaked. I leapt out of the pool, and turned to see Eddie, standing there looking back at me. "What the hell ? Are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack ?" "_Were you trying to drown yourself_ ?" he whispered, sounding broken. "Um, what the f-... NO ! " I told him, taken aback by his accusation. "I've had enough near-death experiences in my lifetime, thanks so much. Why does everyone assume I'm some crazy person now, who's suicidal and needs to be looked after 24/7 ?" I demanded to know. "YOU ARE RIDICULOUS ! YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES _MAKING_ ME CRAZY !" I was yelling now, but I didn't care. Lately I had been doing everything I had never done before, so why not start acting like an actual teenager for once ? I was so frustrated, I felt like everyone else was having a harder time coping about my kidnapping than I was ! I walked over and used my purple cast to whack him with. I stormed away, mad that I hadn't been permitted to finish my swim. Aquatic therapy, hello ! I went to my room to Skype with my Michigan friends, whom I hadn't had contact with since the abduction. I didn't even know if they knew about it, but they were bound to know, what with my taped-up ribs and broken arm…

I stayed in my room all day, feeling like a prisoner. I was alone with my thoughts, and practically about to go insane. I was handling this so well, while everyone around me was falling apart. I felt like I was the one taking care of them., which is what I had always felt at my permanent home, keeping my parents from killing one another. I started watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes, because they always made me feel better. Pretty soon I was crying at the drama and eating my stash of Oreo's. By the time I got up to stretch, it was around nine o'clock. I was going to sit on my window seat, but I was too afraid of a serial killing unsub appearance at the window, so instead, I stuffed myself under my room bed, near the air vent. Yes, I know I'm weird. Everything looked so pretty outside though, with my paper lantern lights strung around the window, and fireflies lighting up the outside. But still, I wallowed in my sorrows under my bed, which was actually quite roomy, because my bed was high up off the ground. A knock at my bedroom door startled me. "Unless your name is Spencer Reid, DO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR," I told the unknown intruder. The door opened, and a quiet voice called "Llysa ?" in a confused voice. I slid partway out from under the bed, and awkwardly looked up at him. He looked horrible. I shot out from under the bed. "Spence ? What's wrong ?" I asked him frantically. He sat cross-legged on the floor again. I scooted up to him in the same way. "Rough day," he told me. "Really rough day." "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do ?" I leaned closer to him and put my hand on his knee. He jerked up, putting his knees to his chest and burying his face in them. I was shocked. I could tell by the way he was shaking slightly that he was sobbing ! He was about to make _me_ cry ! I slid my arm around his skinny back, desperately trying to comfort him. I leaned his head onto my shoulder, and he went with it. "I'm here, I'm here," I told him, reassuring him that he could tell me anything. He sat up a little, twisting his fingers. He peeked up at me from under his hair, and started to tell me about some random statistic of the average person's number of bad days per year. He went on in that fashion of random facts for quite a while, before the room became quiet. We laid there, in silence, flat on our backs side-by-side, for a long time. He was staring at the ceiling, but I was gazing at him.

Spencer left shortly after, but I stayed up really late, thinking about our time together. I was much too excited from his visit to be tired, but I eventually got worn out around four in the morning. I climbed into my warm bed and fell fast asleep. In the morning, I woke up around 9:30. The house was quiet, which was weird, because Eddie would usually be up by now. I was _not_ going to apologize to him, he could apologize to me first for the trouble he had caused. I felt no remorse for the stuff I had said to him, I had meant them. I still did. We hadn't talked since Tuesday night when he had yelled at me. Today was Thursday. The atmosphere felt wrong, too still, too….I don't know, too unreal I suppose. I pulled on a baggy class of 2015 sweatshirt and crept into the hallway. The house smelled funny. I was getting pretty creeped out by now, so I took my chances and opened Eddie's door. I speed-walked into the large bedroom, eager to be near someone. The bathroom light was on, so I headed towards it. On my way there, I slipped and fell on something, some type of liquid. I looked down. My scream was piercing. All over the floor, and now me, was crimson, congealed blood.

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhgggggg. Aaaggggghhhhh !" I looked up, Eddie was slouched over in the corner. He had slit his wrists. I didn't have time to think, I just acted. I whipped my socks off so that I could run, and I ran to get my first-aid kit and call an ambulance. I wished that Eddie had been smart and kept one in his bathroom, but it was too late for wishes now. I developed a mantra as I attempted to stop the bleeding; "I can save you, I can save you. I can save you," I told him over and over again. He was barely conscious, but I hadn't a clue how long he had been like this. I could have figured it out by how coagulated the blood was if I'd had the time, but I obviously didn't. I urged him to stay awake as I fervently squeezed his wounds, willing the bleeding to stop. One cut wasn't as deep, and I knew I could stitch it up. He would die if I didn't, he was bleeding way too fast, and he had already lost too much blood for comfort. I ran to get my suture kit that I had insisted on having, because I aspired to be a surgeon when I was older. I was very glad for my medical knowledge now, I could save a life, the life of someone I knew. I felt detached as I worked though, quickly but steadily. The wound closed up nicely, but his awareness was slipping. The ambulance took an extra three minutes to arrive, a total of fifteen minutes, way too slow to save a life under ordinary conditions, but still I had hope. I believed that believing we can survive, is what makes us survive. As they hauled Eddie out of the house, I saw my saviors arrive. They jumped out, and Gideon reached me first. "What happened ?" he asked me incredulously, taking in my expression and current appearance. "He tried to kill himself," I told him, but I took off running then, I had to stay with him in the ambulance. I couldn't leave him now.

I sat near Eddie's head in the ambulance, looking into his eyes. I was numb. I looked down at myself, realizing what I looked like. I was still wearing the blood-stained oversized sweatshirt, and booty shorts. I realized that somehow I had put on ballet-flat slippers to wear to the hospital. "Where's the other person ?" the paramedic asked me. "What other person ? " I asked, confused. "The one who did this," he replied, gesturing towards the stitches. "I did," I told him, surprised. "Wow, really ? Nice job ! You saved this guy's life ! He sure is lucky to have you around !" the guy told me, patting my shoulder. I looked out the back window of the ambulance, to see one of the BAU Escalades following close behind us. Derek was driving, with Gideon next to him. When we arrived at the hospital, they took Eddie to a room and wouldn't allow me in. I trudged to the waiting room. Derek came running full speed at me. "Kiddo, what the hell happened ?" "He tried to commit suicide," I told him numbly. "Oh God, no," he told me, looking me in the eyes. He looked me up and down, but didn't question. "He must've known that I went to bed really late, because he obviously thought I would sleep in. But he was scared, there were hesitation marks…" I thought aloud. Derek took in my observations with a somewhat surprised expression. Behind him, the whole rest of the team came running in. Evidently Gideon and Derek hadn't dished, because they all looked surprised to see me there, as if they had expected Eddie instead. Reid looked terrified as he rushed up to me. I hugged him tight, apparently every day he felt more and more comfortable around me. "Stop doing this to me," he told me quietly. I looked up at his serious doe eyes, replying in a whisper- "I would if I could."

I sat next to Morgan and Reid, while Prentiss went to get us some coffee. "So what were you guys doing home ?" I asked Morgan, trying to distract myself. "We didn't get any cases in yet today, but we had to go to the office and do some paperwork first." "Then what was Hotch and Rossi doing with you guys, they don't live there…" "We were gonna play some poker while the girls watched chick-flicks." "Oh," I replied. Garcia came and sat down beside me, squeezing my leg. "Sorry girly, we couldn't get an update yet," she told me solemnly. It was one of the few times since I've known her that she looked somber. "Thanks for trying," I told her, giving her a broken smile. Even to me, my voice sounded dead, void of emotion. I was vaguely aware of Derek telling the others about my observations with Eddie's suicide attempt, but I was lost in thought. When did my life become something out of a horror film, or a Lifetime movie ? When had the train gone so far off track ? Just when I thought things were turning right again, a corkscrew is thrown into the mix again. In the past two weeks, I had been kidnapped, beaten, rescued, dead, in a coma, and had run away. And now I had found someone I loved near-dead and saved their life. I realized that I hadn't talked to my parents in a long time either, since the day I had come to Virginia. They had to have known I had been kidnapped, so they obviously just didn't care enough to contact me. What a life this was turning out to be.

I felt sick, sick to my stomach. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom, I threw up bile, that's how stressed I was. I rinsed my mouth out and walked back, picking at my cast. I sat down again next to Garcia and Morgan. Reid was sitting in the chair across from me now, looking at the floor. Prentiss, JJ and Hotch were trying to create a profile on Eddie, trying to determine why he did what he did, I suppose. Garcia and Derek were looking something up on her phone, and I hadn't a clue where Gideon and Rossi were. I began to ponder why it was that I wasn't more freaked out about my abduction. If I had been so paranoid before, how did that experience make it any better ? I guess because now that it had finally happened, I could stop worrying about it ? Whatever the case, it made me feel inhuman to be so calm after that ordeal. The doctor came up then, rescuing me from my dark wonderments. He looked right at me and said," I'm sorry."

But his next words brought relief. He only said he was sorry that I had had to deal with this. He jabbered on about how I saved his life, and how good my stitching was and some other compliments I didn't care to hear. I was only glad that I had saved a life, Eddie's life, no matter how mad I was at him. I had always wanted to save someone's life, and I got to do it earlier than I had expected. And for that, I was grateful.

I didn't want to see Eddie. I had saved his life and that was it. I didn't care whether anyone else had thought our fight was petty, that I should have apologized to him. He had talked down about Spencer. I was not about to let anyone, no matter how important they may be, get away with that. And since I couldn't have punched him in the face, verbal(or lack thereof) abuse was necessary. " I want to go home," I whispered. "That's understandable, we'll take you right away," Morgan told me. But he had misunderstood. I meant _home_. Back to Michigan.

Spence looked at me, I knew he could detect the hidden notion in my words. I could count on him for that, being a genius and all, and the sunshine of my life. I huddled close to him as we walked, my stupid full-arm cast touching his own arm, barely. He was the only one I could count on for everything- compassion, understanding, guidance, acknowledgement, and being able to be myself with him without ridicule. It's funny how a person you might not expect is the one who you owe everything to. Spencer Reid was my person, and I had belief that he was given to me for a reason. I guess at the end of the day, faith is a funny thing, it turns up when you don't really expect it. You figure out that your fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. Your castle, well, it may not be a castle. And you conclude that it's not so important to have happy ever after, just happy right now. I guess once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while, they may even take your breath away.

Pain. It comes in all forms, the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain that we live with everyday. Then there is the kind of pain you just can't ignore, a level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else, makes the rest of your world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to push through it. I was a deny-er. Deny, deny deny, until I absolutely _have_ to face it. I pushed through my pain and denied it until I couldn't ignore it any longer, like now.

I guess at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that. Think about it, even if you love someone and _know_ that they aren't going to leave you, sometimes they can't help it. People die, and other people are left behind. The unexpected changes lives.

We arrived at the house, and I went upstairs to change into yoga pants and a gymnastics t-shirt. I went back downstairs to sit with Morgan and Reid in the living room. "Kiddo, it's okay you know, you can cry. It's been a very rough summer for you." He went on with a speech about keeping my faith and keeping my chin up, blah blah blah. I stood up and faced them. "We live in a world of worst-case scenarios. We cut ourselves of from hoping for the best, because too many times, the best doesn't happen. But every now and then, something extraordinary occurs. And suddenly, best-case scenarios seem possible. Every now and then, something amazing happens, and against our better judgement, we start to have hope. You guys are my hope, my best-case scenario. You guys are the only thing keeping me on the right side of the ledge. It may be a lot of pressure, but there's something to be said about a glass half full, and knowing when to say when. Whenever I'm around you guys, or any of the other agents, my glass is bottomless, and all I want is more. I just need someone steady in my life right now and you guys are it." With that, I strode off in search of Oreo's.

I could feel both pairs of eyes on me as I walked into the kitchen. I grabbed my Oreo's and sat on the floor in the living room. I gave them a small smile, then I laid on my back, ready to explode with everything that had been going on lately. They both came and sat down next to me, one on either side. "I guess at the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're about what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice, and some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things, simply speak for themselves.

The things that were talked about were stupid things, but they mattered to me. They were from my previous life, but they made no sense and had no relevancy to now, but I just felt the need to talk, I just couldn't stay silent, couldn't let myself be devoured by my thoughts once again. "You know what, I'm gonna make you guys some dinner. Do tacos sound okay ?" "Perfect," Spencer told me enthusiastically. I made the tacos, singing into my wooden spoon microphone along with my iPod. I danced around the kitchen, feeling carefree for the first time in a long time. Two hot men were sitting in my kitchen with me, at my dining table, on a hot, sunny summer night. Who cared if it was Thursday and they had to work in the morning ? I didn't matter to me that I was all alone without them, because for a while, I could pretend that my whole life wasn't going wrong.

Before we ate, Derek asked me the oddest thing-"Shall we pray ?" I looked at him wide-eyed, and choked on my drink. "I'm Athiest…." The two men looked at each other. "I have been for a while, it's not because of anything that's happened recently, so chill. You can pray all you want though…" I started laughing then. And I couldn't stop. I fell out of my chair, to the ground, I was laughing so hard. "Jesus….Ahahaha ! Oh, haha. Wheeew. Sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean to put down your beliefs. But yeah, I'm an agnostic Athiest. " I felt a little bad for laughing in his face, but come on. We finished dinner and went outside to hang out together. "So you guys never got a case today ?" I asked Reid. "No, actually we didn't, kind of lucky, huh ?" he told me. I scooted my lawn chair closer to him, I didn't care if Morgan was watching us or not. I held Spencer's big, skinny little hand in my own, and in that moment was such a pure, sublime, unparalleled perfection, that I closed my eyes to hold onto it as best I could. Life is a series of these moments; everything else is just waiting for them.

I went inside to get something to drink, when I heard something. A knock maybe ? I peered around the corner and indeed it was a knock at the door. I decided to answer it, for some unknown reason. It's lucky that I did, because standing there was a gorgeous brunette looking really upset. That girl was my sister.

"Annie ! What's wrong ?" she cried harder when she saw me. She sank to her knees, crying heartbreakingly. I sat down next to her and put my arms around her. "Caleb" she sobbed. I had been talking to her every night since I'd come, but no one else knew that. Caleb was her boyfriend, whom she had been dating on and off for a year. She believed that she loved him, but he had a habit of saying he was done, then coming back begging for her. Obviously this time he had gone too far. I was trying to console her when Spencer appeared. He looked at me questioningly. _I'll explain later_, I mouthed to him. Annie asked me what happened to my arm, which was still encased in the cast. I motioned for Spencer not to tell her, because evidently she had not heard about my kidnapping. I told her I fell and got on with it. My sister was older than me by a year and two months, and she weighed more than me, but only because she had a couple of inches on me. Whereas I had the stocky, short body of a gymnast, she had the perfect height and was insanely skinny by nature. I picked her up and carried her inside. Reid looked surprised, which I thought was a bit insulting. Then again, he didn't know that I had been a gymnast. I spent hours trying to comfort her, she was so upset. I couldn't stand it, I honestly wanted to kill Caleb. If only he could see what he had done to her. I wished that I could punch something, but my broken right arm made that impossible. It wouldn't be as effective with my undominant hand. Derek and Spencer stayed with me, awkwardly watching tv in the living room. My sister finally fell asleep in my room at around nine o'clock, because of all the crying. I was grateful she hadn't asked where Eddie was, because I didn't have the heart to tell her. I don't think she even noticed the FBI agents downstairs, because she never said a word about them. I crept downstairs to be with them when I was sure she was asleep.

'You never told me you had a sister," they both said at the same time. "Sorry, it never really came up." I flopped onto the couch next to my own little ray of sunshine. (That sounds cheesy, but it's true. Deal with it.) Derek abruptly left to go chill with Garcia, leaving me with Reid. "Will you tell me about your past ?" I asked him. And surprisingly, he did. I filled him in on the details that he didn't already know about me, which wasn't much, because apparently Morgan had told everyone all that he knew about me when creating the profile to find me. And then of course I had told him some things about me earlier, when I was endlessly babbling for no reason. "Hey, Spencer ? " I said, turning to look at his beautiful eyes. "Yes ?" he asked me. "You're my McDreamy. Just in case you ever doubt yourself, I want you to know, that you make my dungeon brighter than, well anything, really.'' I kissed his cheek. "You should probably get going though, you have work." "You're my best friend," he told me. " Outside of my team, no one's ever really gotten me. And what's a McDreamy ?" "You,'' I replied with a laugh, "You are a McDreamy. No, you're _my_ McDreamy." I watched him as he stepped off my porch, heading home. I pulled an ever-present post-it out of my pocket, and hastily scrawled "I love you" on it. I held it to the window, but he was already gone.

I went upstairs to check on my sister, she was sleeping soundly. She looked so much younger when she was sleeping, with her face all relaxed. I slept downstairs on the couch that night, still ecstatic from my time with Spencer. Technically, I didn't sleep at all, because my adrenaline was going the whole night, so 'slept on the couch' isn't really the right phrase. It's more like 'tossed and turned while smiling like an idiot'. I couldn't help but wonder if Spencer was laying awake, thinking about me too. I looked out the window, trying to determine which room might be his. I realized that I had never even been in the team's house before, and made a mental note to inquire the reason why. I felt like I was going insane, no activity could keep me occupied for more than a few seconds, and I never had any interest in doing anything but hanging out with Reid or any of the other BAU members. At least tomorrow was Friday, so the weekend would follow after, thankfully. I just couldn't stop smiling, and I liked that feeling.

I woke up after about an hour and a half of sleep, but I wasn't tired in the least. Fueled by happiness, I kicked it into overdrive and made a huge breakfast for my sister and I. It felt weird without Eddie there, but I guess I would have to get used to it. Besides, I had always been the adult in my household, calm and levelheaded, getting things done. My useless mind wandered to Spencer while I was cooking the waffles, and I almost burned them. I thought about what he had told me last night, about him having to take care of his schizophrenic mother. He told me about being a twelve year old in his senior year of high school, and I realized just how intelligent he really was. It made me feel so inadequate, being fourteen going into my sophomore year. Well, at least I could cook some mean waffles, I had that going for me, right ?

My sister and I spent the day poolside, something we hadn't done in a long time. But she made her decision to go back home already, because she had bought a round trip ticket, and would be leaving tonight at 6:30. I was disappointed, but at the same time, I felt like that was inevitable. It seemed as though everyone who had come into my life recently had left just as quickly. Even the team would be history in a little over a month, when I went back to Michigan for school. That thought was depressing, but it was the truth, and it was inevitable. My life is in pieces all the time, and they just keep breaking. As soon as I fix one, another one goes down. I leave my crazy parents behind for the summer, but end up in a town with no friends. I get saved from death, and then my caretaker attempts suicide. The list goes on and on, from the time I was born. I always knew I was one of those people who luck overlooked, and I was right. I guess I'd been hoping that after my abduction, things were gonna change, but clearly they hadn't, what with the whole Eddie thing. I had been starting to feel better about everything, but that realization about me leaving Virginia for school in the fall had me coming down from my euphoric high. Life's a bitch.

My sister and I said our goodbye's and parted ways. I was on my own until 8:30, when everyone returned from work. It was now 6:00. I put tiny shorts and an oversized wife-beater over my bathing suit. I wanted to wander around outside, but after what happened last time I did that, not a chance. I suddenly remembered that today was July 19th. A while back, I had gotten fortune in a fortune cookie that said three months from that exact date, I would have good luck. Today was that day.

I flopped onto the couch after double checking the door lock, and began picking at my ever-present cast. In a week, it would be coming off, but I would still have to wear a brace. Anything was better than this hot, itchy thing. I threw my hands over my face, distraught as usual. I could think of nothing to do, with two hours to kill. This summer sure was the summer I'd changed, but not for the better. I was always distracted now, never focused on one task. And I was becoming a cliché teenager in "love." I wondered briefly if I had PTSD or something, was that what was making me act this way ? Whatever the case, I took drastic measures. Entering the bathroom adjacent the kitchen, I opened the medicine cabinet and took out some pills. Without water, I swallowed them.

I took my fluffy body pillow Henry(I like to name inanimate objects, don't judge) and took him downstairs, and fell fast asleep within minutes. I woke up to a shadow standing over me. "Ahhhhhhh !" I bolted upright, letting out a yell. "Sorry, sorry, it's just me, its Reid." I jumped up, excited. I threw my arms around him. "Reid !" Morgan appeared behind him, with Prentiss. "Hi guys !" They looked surprised at the sight of Spencer and me embracing. "We wanna take you out for dinner," Morgan told me. I realized that the three of them were dressed up. "Oooh, do I get to dress up ?" I asked them eagerly. They nodded at me, taking in my expression and smiling. I ran upstairs, and changed into a strapless, pale green summery dress and white heels. I ran a brush through my hair, which hung smoothly, straight and loose down my back. I felt awesome, until I realized how stupid I looked with my purple cast that took up my whole right arm. I felt a rush of anger towards my kidnapper, and I struggled to control it. I wanted to punch the wall so badly, and not being able to just made me angrier. I felt a presence behind me and saw Emily and Morgan standing outside my door, watching me. They had pity in their eyes, and my anger welled up again. I could imagine how I looked, pacing angrily and clenching my fists, my breathing ragged. They probably thought I was mentally disturbed or something. I wished I'd taken more of those sleeping pills, enough so that I would never have woken up at all.

I decided I had PTSD for sure. I glared at my friends, standing outside my door now, Reid included now. "Can we just go ?" I asked them quietly. "Or do you guys not want to be seen out with a psycho like me ?" Morgan looked at me sadly. "What's going on ?" he inquired in a soft tone. "My life is _falling_ apart." My voice broke on the word falling. "Forgive and forget, that's what they say, right ? It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back, when someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled; old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day, we'll be lucky enough to forget. I can't forgive Eddie, and I can't forgive that guy who kidnapped me. I thought I'd be able to return to normal, well, as normal as I was before…but I just can't get past this." "It's okay to be scared, it means you still have something to lose," Reid told me, walking towards me slowly. I chuckled,"You watch Grey's Anatomy now ?" He blushed, "How did you remember that quote ?" "Well, I may not have an eidetic memory, but I don't have Alzheimer's either," I told him, smiling a little. He looked so handsome, his hair was slightly tousled, and he was wearing dark blue dress pants, and a navy shirt with a sweater vest and tie over it. The sunlight streamed in through my big window in thick, golden bands, reflecting off of his beautiful eyes and cheekbones. His smile, his laugh, his mind, his face, his body, his hair, everything about him was just so breathtaking, how could I ever get so lucky to meet someone like him ? He was absolute perfection, it didn't matter if anyone else thought so, so long as he was perfect to me.

Morgan's POV

I looked at the clock, it was two in the morning, I had been laying awake since I left Llysa's house, thinking about what I could do to help her. I felt horrible for her, but she was being so strong. I was concerned about her though, she had been acting a little weird lately, but that was understandable, given the circumstances. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside her head, and more importantly, what was going to happen when she left Virginia at the end of the summer ? What was it going to do to Reid ? He hadn't befriended someone outside of the team in so long, if ever. Was Virginia really the best place for her, or is that what I want to convince myself ? Given all that had happened here, she was probably itching to get the hell out of here and never look back; were we preventing her from doing so ? But who would want to return to parents like that… Well, I guess she really didn't have a choice anymore.

_This is the longest day…._ Morgan thought to himself the next day at work. At lunch, everyone else seemed especially talkative, with Reid as no exception. He felt as though meeting Llysa had had a positive effect on Spencer, he was branching out more, he was less afraid to speak his mind, less afraid of ridicule he might face. He seemed generally happier as well, and the best part was his nightmares had stopped-completely. After work, Prentiss, Reid and I headed over to Llysa's house, wanting to take her out to dinner at a nice restaurant. The door was locked, so I hopped the fence and went around back. The back screen door was unlocked, so we entered through there. It was uncharacteristic for her not to answer the door for us…. She was asleep on the couch in the living room, looking more peaceful than I had ever seen her. We debated on whether to wake her up, but Reid insisted that she would want to go to dinner with us, Prentiss started to argue, but she saw in his face how badly he himself wanted to go to dinner with them, and she quickly surrendered. I stood by as he approached her. She sat upright with blinding speed, and screamed as she saw his tall form standing over her. "Sorry, sorry, it's just me, its Reid," he told her, soothing her. "We wanna take you out for dinner," I told her. I watched as her face lit up, Reid had been right. "Do I get to dress up ?" she inquired excitedly, taking in our attire. We nodded our agreement, pleased with her reaction. She bolted upstairs, and I could hear her bustling around a bit. I expected her to come down soon, but when she didn't I followed her upstairs without another thought. Prentiss and Reid were close behind. I looked in her bedroom to see her looking very upset as she gazed into the mirror. It took me a minute to conclude why; she looked stunning in a flowy green dress and small heels, with her hair loose hanging down past her shoulder blades. Her whole expression changed in an instant, bringing me to see what she was piqued by. She looked feraly down at her bulky purple cast with absolute hatred clouding her large hazel eyes. She began to pace, breathing heavily. I could see what a struggle it was for her not to just explode and break down right there. I looked at my friends expressions, Prentiss' was one of utter shock, while Reid looked sorrowful, and almost protective. Her gaze flicked to us, standing awkwardly outside her bedroom, and her expression softened, before hardening again to a glare. "Can we just go, or do you not want to be seen with a psycho like me anymore ?" she asked us. "What's going on ?" I asked, my tone soft yet inquisitive. "My life is falling apart," she stated simply.

She went on about how she couldn't forgive her abductor, or Eddie. For a moment, I could see the real pain she felt, unhidden behind a tough exterior. She looked her true age, so young and fragile, and so….resigned.

She finished her little speech, and Reid stepped forward cautiously. They bantered about some _Grey's Anatomy_ thing, and she gave him a small smile. The way she looked at him, was like he was her idol, her everything, her whole world. Utter admiration radiated from her eyes as she gazed at him. Just for a moment, I saw him through her eyes; suddenly he wasn't my gawky co-worker anymore. He was an extremely intelligent person who was very kind and unjudgemental, dressed sharply and standing in a shaft of sunlight highlighting his face, trying to comfort a girl who needed him. He was her hero, her person, her….security blanket. And lucky for her, he saw the same things in her, he needed her as much as she needed him. Together, they were like Mickie and Minnie, if you will.

Spencer's POV

My mind was kicked into overdrive, as usual. But this time was different, they were flashbacks, memories. Snapshots of Llysa kept creeping into my head, like scrolling through the images in a camera. I replayed her actions, her words….over and over; the way she smiled and looked down, the way she would randomly scrunch up her nose when she was focused on something, the way she quoted _Grey's Anatomy_ non-stop. At around two A.M, I finally nodded off, book in hand. In the morning as I got dressed, I realized something- since the day I had met her, I hadn't had one nightmare.

I felt more comfortable at work now, at lunch I couldn't refrain from talking non-stop. I noticed that Morgan was the only one who was unusually quiet, but I didn't want him to think I had been profiling him, so I reigned in my observation. Later that day, Morgan approached me with Prentiss. "We should take Llysa out to dinner, cheer her up a bit, don't you think ?" Morgan asked me, looking hopeful. "Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea," I told him enthusiastically. We went home and changed into proper formal attire, and headed over to the neighbor's house. A knock on the door found us no answer, so Morgan opted to go around back and we all entered through the back door. I strolled into the front room to find Llysa all curled up on her couch with a huge fluffy pillow, looking peaceful and darling, like a little doll almost. I stepped towards her slightly, debating on whether to wake her up. I was positive she would want to go out to dinner with us, but I was still a little unsure on how happy she would be about me waking her… She bolted upright and screamed when she saw me, clearly my presence had woken her. "Sorry, sorry, it's just me, its Reid," I told her soothingly. Morgan informed her of our plans, and she brightened up instantly, asking if she could dress up. She got the approval and ran upstairs happily. I waited for her to come back down, relieved for the weekend to be upon my team and I.

We waited for a while, until Morgan's impatience got the best of him, and he walked up the stairs, with Emily and I following suit. The three of us stood outside her bedroom door, waiting for her. I looked inside, and she was gazing admiringly in the mirror, looking beautiful as ever. She looked delicate and almost regally beautiful in a strapless, pale green number, with white heels. Her golden hair hung down her back, loose and flowing. I watched her expression go from accepting to depictably angry at the sight of her plaster cast. She paced furiously, visibly shaking with anger. Her gaze flickered to our trio, standing outside of her abode. She snapped about us thinking she was a psycho and I could see the internal conflict brewing within her, it reminded me so much of myself when I was alone.

"My life is… falling apart. Forgive and forget, that's what they say, right ? It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back, when someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled; old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day, we'll be lucky enough to forget. I can't forgive Eddie, and I can't forgive that guy who kidnapped me. I thought I'd be able to return to normal, well, as normal as I was before…but I just can't get past this." She said sadly. "It's okay to be scared, it means you still have something to lose," I told her, wondering if she would recognize the quote. I blushed when she did; she had piqued my interest with her love of the ABC drama _Grey's Anatomy_, so I had watched a couple episodes. I walked towards her, ready to comfort her if need be. She looked at me right as the dusk sunlight filtered through the giant picture window, and the light did justice for her beauty, if that was possible. Her eyes sparkled like they were light from within, and her hair shone like it was reflective. My best friend was so pretty, but her mind was even more beautiful.

Llysa's POV

It was all I could do not to swoon as Spencer looked back at me. I felt like the beast next to the beauty, but I followed them all downstairs anyway. No one said another word as we entered a team SUV. I sat next to the window, with Prentiss sitting on the other side of me. I gazed thoughtfully at the scenery as we drove along. I glanced over at the interior of the car again, only to find Prentiss and Reid staring at me. I gave them a dirty look, daring them to comment. We arrived at a nice restaurant, and Morgan opened my car door for me, Reid doing the same for Emily. I felt better about my appearance, aside from the cast, I looked pretty great. We all ate together, being social with one another, laughing and talking appropriately. When we arrived back at my house, I went upstairs and changed into short sleep shorts and a big shirt. When I went back downstairs, everyone was there, the entire team. We were having a movie night again, and reflecting back, it will be a night I'm always going to remember.

It was only about 8:00, so we had plenty of movie time, besides, it was a Friday night. We were watching 50 First Dates the last I remember…. I woke up and looked at the clock, it was around three a.m. The tv screen was blue, and everyone besides myself was sleeping. Rossi and Hotch must have left earlier to be with their families, because they were missing. I almost exploded with the pressure of not saying "Awhhhhhhhh !" at the sight of Morgan and Garcia cuddling, and the sight of Reid sleeping. JJ was snoring loudly,and Prentiss was twitching. Derek and Penelope were sleeping on the same couch, her head was on his chest, and he had his arm around her protectively. Spencer and I were the only ones on the floor, he was curled up and snuggled against my side, and I was dying to cuddle up with him, but I restrained myself, for fear of waking him up. In that moment, sitting around in the dark I felt so safe and secure, something I hadn't felt in a long time. Even though I was the only one up, for once, I didn't feel alone.

I slid down again, settling right in front of Spencer's face. His long brown curls were flopping in front of his exquisite face, partially obscuring my view of his peaceful angel face. I loved it when he left his hair natural and curled, and I caressed a lock of his hair before closing my eyes, breathing in his scent of coffee and soft cotton; you'd think that was a weird combo, but on him, it worked.

I woke up again, this time it was morning, and a decent hour. It was ten o'clock, and I could hear Morgan bustling around in the kitchen, and I could smell waffles in the making. Emily and JJ were laughing about something on their couch, facing one another, cross-legged, and for a moment, I could almost see them as two teenage girls. Garcia was still sleeping, face down on the couch behind me. Spencer was asleep as well, clutching my stuffed Domo, who had watched the movies with us as well. I went into the kitchen to chat with Morgan, who was softly singing and mixing up more batter. He chuckled when he saw me. I glanced at my reflection in the microwave, and laughed at my appearance as well. My hair must have been sticking out at least a mile, and I had some mascara smeared on my left cheek. I sat down on the counter next to his cooking quarters. "Reid finally sleeps all through the night," he told me, as if I should have believed otherwise. "What do you mean ?" I asked him, puzzled. "He didn't tell you ? he used to have horrible nightmares almost every night, but since the day he met you, he hasn't had one. But he usually still gets up a few times a night, to do whatever, but not last night." "Awh, that's so sweet," I said touched. I scrambled upstairs to fix myself up before anyone else could witness my hideous appearance.

I dragged a brush through my beast of hair, and then braided it in the back of my head. I put on a teal tank top and ripped jean shorts, along with sandal slippers and padded downstairs, after fixing my makeup, of course. We were eating breakfast outside on the back porch when my phone started to buzz in my pocket. I looked at the screen to see the name of one of my ex boyfriend's. I contemplated, then ignored the call. The rest of the world could wait today.

Spencer's POV

I woke up in the morning, surprised and a little disoriented; I hadn't woken up once during the night, a first for me in many years. I was holding a square, brown, slightly raggedy plush toy that I assumed was Llysa's. She was nowhere to be found, but the others were in the living room with me, except Morgan, who was occupying the kitchen, and Hotch and Rossi, who had probably gone home sometime during the night. I stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing my neck, which was kinked from sleeping on the floor. Morgan was humming and making waffles, looking unusually chipper. Just then, Llys walked into the room, with her hair pulled to the back of her head, and wearing a tight shirt and short shorts with fluffy slippers. She grabbed a plate and some waffles and strolled casually outside, and I did the same, wondering if I looked like a little puppy dog trailing behind her.

Llysa's POV

I snarfed my waffles down like a little piglet, not caring if Reid was watching me or not. Today, I was on a mission; go shopping. With the BAU team.

I broached the subject to Emily, JJ, and Garcia first of course, because they were girls. They all happily agreed, obviously, and Garcia looked absolutely stoked. I watched as Emily went over to casually approach the subject with the guys. Gideon looked amused, Hotch always has the same expression no matter what, Rossi looked resentful, Derek looked resigned, and Reid looked…I'm not even sure, somewhere between "Am I really being invited to a social event ?" and " I wonder what the appropriate reaction would be.." I skipped over to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him out the door. Derek drove our car, with Garcia in the passenger seat again, and Prentiss, Reid and I in the backseat. When we arrived at our destination, Garcia immediately started pulling me toward the door, much like I had done to Spencer. She must've taken me through every store in the mall at least once ! She made me try on hundreds of outfits that her,JJ, and Emily picked out. They all looked so happy, I was like a little doll to them. The boys had wandered away as soon as we entered the building, but now Derek reappeared, with Spence in tow. I tried on a couple of dresses with heels for the boys, walking like I was a supermodel. At around five, we decided to head home, this time, to their house. I was very curious, this night was about to get interesting…

Inside their house, I wasn't surprised. The living room was light and open like Eddie's, with paintings of cabin's in the woods and peaceful lakes everywhere; my guess was that they needed some peaceful décor after working a grisly job like that. The living room walls were a medium blue, with light pine wood flooring and soft tan couches. The kitchen was all white and stainless steel; with a large white dining table near a large window in the right corner. Rossi stepped into the kitchen and ushered us out; he was going to make us some real homemade Italian cooking. Penelope dragged me upstairs to her room, which I loved. The walls were orange, but all of the accessories were purple and magenta; a cushy magenta couch filled with furry pillows, a beaded purple and orange lamp, a fluffy purple rug. She had one entire wall, the one behind her bed, filled with pictures of her and the team over the years. Her tech stuff was in the corner, and the other corner held a window seat with a window perfectly placed to see the sunset. It was cozy and lit by a warm glow, and it was so _Penelope_.

A knock at the door distracted me from gazing at the setting sun. Spencer stood there awkwardly, and asked if I would like to see his room. "Of course !" I told him, delighted that he had asked me. He led me next door to Garcia's room, and across from Derek's. His room was dark, brown and blue. He had a full sized bed pushed against one wall, and a well worn armchair, a desk and of course, hundreds of books. The placement of the books around the room was seemingly random to me, but I knew he must have a reason. There was a medium-sized window over his desk, but the curtain was tacked to the wall. I turned on the floor lamp and the room was light up nicely. "Mind if I..." I trailed off, gesturing towards the books. He had a few of the medical books I had read, and I was glad; it made me believe I wasn't totally inept. I looked back at him and he was looking down and smiling. He looked up and caught my stare, "I like it." I told him finally, watching his face break into a smile once again.

Spencer's POV

I couldn't believe that the other guys had agreed to this. The girls all looked so eager to go shopping, but I had no idea what to do in this type of situation; I was nervous. I felt relief when Derek and the others led me into some manly-type stores. They ooh-ed and ahh-ed over fishing gear and the like, and I worked to make myself appear appropriately interested. I didn't give any facts, because I hardly knew any about this type of subject and I didn't asked any questions, afraid to sound like an adolescent female. Morgan told me to follow him, and he swaggered through the store, catching the eye of at least four attractive women on the way to our unknown destination. He acquired all of their phone numbers, and we only stopped to talk to one of them.

He led me into the women's department, straight to where Garcia, JJ, and Prentiss were standing. Llysa spotted us from the dressing room and ran back inside. She emerged a moment later in a dark purple dress and black heels, walking like she was on the catwalk. The others laughed and clapped, and I did the same. Soon, the team, Llysa, and I headed for home, _our_ home this time. Gideon gave Llysa the tour, and then Rossi banned all of us from the kitchen where he would be preparing dinner. Garcia and Llysa wandered off, and I collapsed on the couch, tired of pretending to be a normal, socially functioning person.

I ascended the stairs, struggling to decide whether I should show Llysa my room. I had been in hers many times, and it was so her, it was nice. When she was in her bedroom, she let everything go, she never hid anything, it was her personal space, after all. But my bedroom, on the other hand, would appear cluttered and disorganized to the untrained eye, and probably boring as well. I decided that I owed it to her to show her my personal space, and I knocked on Garcia's door.

Llysa looked excited when I asked her if she would like to see my bedroom. I led her to my room, next to Penelope's. I watched her expression as she stepped inside. She scanned the room, taking in every detail. She asked if she was allowed to look at my books, and I gave her the okay. I watched as she smiled while reading some of the titles, recognizing some of them. I gazed at my feet and smiled secretly. I looked up and saw her staring back at me. "I like it," she finally said sincerely. My face broke into a smile, and I didn't even have to force it.

Llysa's POV

Rossi had made us chicken caccitore, but he left the house shortly after. However, Hotch stayed to help clean up and watch one movie with us. I ran next door to change into my pajamas, and when I returned, The Other Guys was playing. We all laughed at the humor, except for Spencer of course. Hotch left shortly after that ended, but the rest of us stayed up for one more movie. Gideon and Derek went upstairs to sleep in their beds, but JJ, Prentiss, Garcia, Reid, and I stayed in the living room. As I settled into sleep, I began to think about Eddie. On the outside, I pretended not to care, but on the inside, I still worried about him. I began to ponder why he made the decision he had made, what had sent him over the edge. I feared that I knew the answer to my own question; me. I had more than likely made his life a living hell, so much that he didn't want to live anymore.

I sat up in the darkness, aware of scuffling and movement. Someone else was up. I scanned the room, searching for the unknown being. I stood, confused at what I saw. It looked like it was Reid, but what was he doing ? He was scratching at the wall, like he was trying to escape. He was mumbling something, and scratching and feeling around in the dark. I tiptoed over to him,"Spence ?" he whorled quickly and did something unexpected. He hit me.

Reid whacked me on the chest, and continued to slap at me. "What the hell ? Reid ?" By now the others were starting to wake. Reid spun me towards the wall and shoved me roughly up against it, still muttering. He took my head and banged it against the drywall, hard. Someone flicked the light on and called Morgan. The girls were trying to subdue Reid, but to no avail. He was dreaming, I suddenly realized. Morgan came running down the steps, and yelled "SPENCER REID," as loud as he could. Spencer's eyes opened. He looked in horror at me, apparently comprehending what was going on immediately. My head throbbed, and I rubbed the back of it. I patted his shoulder, "Are you okay ? You look pretty freaked, it's gonna be alright, I'm here." I told him, trying to soothe him, I knew it hadn't been his fault. Everyone gaped at me. Then, for the second time that night, Spencer did something very unexpected.

"What is wrong with you ? I _hurt_ you. Stop trying to connect with me, stop trying to always be around me, holding my hand and taking baby steps. Stop patronizing me, stop hovering over me all the time, _just stop_. I'm a grown man, and _I don't need you_, he hissed at me in a low, menacing voice. I took a step away from him, shocked. " Get out." "Get out of my house," he told me, in the same threatening tone. My face crumpled, and I couldn't fight the tears as they rolled down my flaming cheeks. I turned and strode out of the house, snatching my Domo off the floor on the way out. I kept my cool and closed the door silently behind me. Once I entered the muggy velvet night, I began to run.

I ran to my front door, and closed it behind me, locking it tightly. I turned and let myself slide on my back down to the floor, drawing my knees to my chest. I sobbed for a few minutes before I pulled it together. I jumped up and closed all of the blinds in the living room. I scribbled a quick note on a sticky note, and attached it to the front door, telling the other members of the team not to worry about me. I couldn't believe that had just happened; what had I done to him ? In fact, what had I done to deserve any of this; the injuries from my kidnapping, my parents, Eddie blowing up in my face, Spencer blowing up in my face, Eddie's attempted suicide, _my life_. What do I have to live for now ? I just lost the only thing that mattered to me, and I don't even know why.

I wandered through the empty house, closing all of the windows tightly, and drawing all of the other blinds and curtains, and turning on all of the lights. I slumped to the floor in the middle of the living room, letting out a harsh cry. I let it all out, my head dropped into my hands, my palms raking over my face, wet with tears. Again, I couldn't help but ask myself the question why. Why as in 'why do I seem to repel anything good', why as in 'why does this keep happening to me', why as in 'why was I even born' ? What purpose did my life serve now ?

Spencer's POV

I had to get out. Tobias was going to find me standing up and untied if I didn't hurry. Where was the door ? I can't find it…. Tobias snuck up on me from behind, and I lashed out, I couldn't let him win, I was already too far in, I had to fight with what I had. I pushed him against the wall, banging his head back onto the hard surface. A resounding thud ensued. I continued to hit him violently. A light was turned on now, exposing our struggle. Someone called my name loudly; I recognized that voice, it was Morgan. I blinked, startled. I was at home, in my own living room, surrounded by my team members. It _had_ been Morgan who had called my name. Standing beside me was not Tobias Hankel, the unsub who had kidnapped me not long ago, but Llysa.

She touched my shoulder, and spoke some soothing words, trying to calm me. My anger bubbled up, unexpectant and uncontrollable, "What is wrong with you ? I _hurt_ you. Stop trying to connect with me, stop trying to always be around me, holding my hand and taking baby steps. Stop patronizing me, stop hovering over me all the time, _just stop_. I'm a grown man, and _I don't need you_, "I told her in a menacing voice. " Get out." "Get out of my house," I hissed at her, my voice low but seething with anger. Her face distorted, and fat tears spilled from her wide eyes. She stomped away, right out the front door, but I didn't feel relief when she left, only longing. Yearning for a do-over.

"Are you doing Dilaudid again ?" Almost everyone asked me at once. "No !" I assured them, I had been clean for thirteen months now. I had to explain to them that I was having a nightmare, and things got out of control. "I need to apologize, I need to make it alright," I told them urgently. "She's gonna need time," JJ told me gently. "I just need to be alone right now," I told my friends, realizing how true that was. I hurried upstairs to my room, sitting on my bed and burying my face in my hands. She hadn't deserved that, just because I, a grown man, had had a bad dream. I sat on my bed, unmoving, wallowing in my sorrows for an extended period of time. My thoughts consumed me, all of them dark. I felt ready to burst with grief and pain over my actions. I needed relief, and I knew where to find it. I couldn't hold off any longer, I knew what I had to do to prevent something worse from occurring. I opened my closet door silently, reaching up high for the plastic bag I knew was there. I retrieved it from the top of the closet. I pulled out the familiar clear bottle full of liquid that was clear as well, and the syringe. Taking a deep breath, I drew the liquid into the needle, and applied a tourniquet to my arm. I pushed the sharp needle into the soft skin of my tender forearm, amid the old scars. I injected the Dilaudid and felt almost immediately better. I removed the evidence and laid on my bed, letting the numbness consume me, relishing in its bliss.

Spencer wished he could say that if his friends hadn't mentioned the Dilaudid, he wouldn't have thought about it twice. But it was already his intention, as soon as he witnessed the sheer agony on Llysa's face, pain _he_ had caused. I awakened the next morning to find everyone else had gone fishing. They hadn't wanted to wake me, and knew that I wouldn't have been interested in accompanying them. For the first time in my life, I just wanted to just sleep all day. So that's what I did.

I laid in my bed, unmoving, for hours, just thinking, Thinking about the pain I had inflicted on one of the few people close to me, someone who I valued very much. It could not get any worse than at this moment.

Llysa's POV

I checked the clock after my crying session; 3:47am. I would never be able to sleep now, and I knew it. I had the sudden urge to channel my rage, so I went hunting for Eddie's exercise equipment. It was all in the basement, a bench press, a chin-up bar, a treadmill, and a stair machine. Eddie was never light on cash, as you can gather. I changed into leggings and an athletic shirt, and tennis shoes. I started off by stretching, then the stair machine. The treadmill was my only other option, because my cast wasn't off yet. I pushed myself faster and faster, channeling my rage into energy. The endorphins I released made me feel better, but only marginally. When I checked the time again, I realized I had been exercising for almost two hours ! I felt better though, and drew up a hot bubble bath. I suddenly discovered just how exhausted I was after all of that exertion, so I cut my bath short and changed into soft pajama pants and a loose shirt, climbing into bed. It dawned on me that from now on, I could work-out and slim down, and at the same time get a good-nights sleep. _This could work_, I thought to myself, drifting into a dreamless slumber.

I awakened early in the morning, and set to work cleaning my room. I had dusted, vacuumed, and fabric refreshed every inch of my room by 10:30. I should probably eat…I thought to myself. I wasn't hungry, but with all the exercising I did, it was probably a good idea. I made myself a fried egg and some bacon, then washed the dishes and put them away. I decided to clean the kitchen next. By the end of the day, the entire house was spotless. I couldn't believe I had spent an entire Saturday cleaning ! I decided to work out some more, eager to get my cast off so that I would be able to work my right arm out. I felt unusually drowsy around 9:00, so I headed upstairs to bed.

I was dreaming. I was back in that brown basement with my abductor, and he was beating me again. The sheer amount of pain was unbearable. This time, he had on a mask. He kept beating me and beating me, until I was near dead. Only then did he remove his mask to reveal himself; the man was Spencer.

I jolted awake, screaming. I clapped my hand over my mouth and listened. It appeared no one had heard me yelling, I was safe. I got up and started working out again, eager to exhaust myself so that I was able to get some peaceful rest. The days passed by much the same after that, with me keeping the house spotless, working out, and taking a long bath. I didn't leave the house, and the blinds were always closed. What a shame to waste the summer that way, but there will be more summers, better summers, I promised myself. I fell into a routine of being my own sole caretaker. It felt like in older days, and it was a comforting familiarity. No one to answer to, no one to please but myself. I didn't need anyone, I was fine on my own. I chuckled when I thought "I don't need a man to make me happy." On Thursday the 26th, I left the house to walk to the hospital, my cast was due to come off. I purposely took a longer route in the opposite direction to avoid anyone from next door. It was kind of crappy of them not to even make an apologetic gesture, not that I would accept it anyway. I pondered whether I was the issue in the situation. Had I overreacted when both Eddie and Spencer had yelled at me ? Sure, there words were harsh, but was I the one drawing out the fight, holding an unnecessary grudge ?

I sat on the cold metal table as the doctor drew the saw nearer. Most people would be frightened at the sight of a saw coming near their skin, but I trusted medicine, I knew that it would only cut through the cast, as long as I stayed still. The nurse eyed me as the saw began to cut. I didn't even flinch. As soon as the cast came off, I knew what to expect. I knew that my arm would be pale and small from not using the muscles for so long, but what I hadn't been expecting, was the scars. A long pale scar ran from the crease of my elbow to my wrist, but it was barely noticeable, probably because my arm was so pale already. Three horizontal scars above my elbow were quite prominent. I held my arms together and laughed at the contrast. My left arm was significantly bigger from all of the dexterity it had gained, and all of its usage. In comparison, my right arm had grown smaller and thinner, and from lack of sun, paler by a considerable margin. I would have to attend physical therapy once a week for the rest of the summer, but I didn't mind much, only that I would have to go outside. As I walked home it began to pour rain, but I didn't mind. It was a refreshing rain, with no thunder or lightning to accompany it. I sloshed home in the cool wetness, happy to have my cast off. I opened my front door and stepped inside the cool, air-conditioned house. I tied my hair up in a messy bun and changed into athletic clothes to get ready for my workout. On the way back downstairs, I checked myself out in the mirror. My cheekbones were a little sharper, and I was definitely thinner. Pleased with the result, I went downstairs and worked even harder, this time on all of the machines.

My arm was feeling better as I worked it out, but I knew not to push it. It felt so weird to be able to straighten my arm out, so to get used to the feeling, I did some curls. I changed out of my sweaty clothes into cropped sweatpants that now hung off of me, and a tight, purposely to short tank top. I was startled by a knock at the door. I chose to ignore it, knowing who would be behind it. What I couldn't ignore though, was the sound as my door was busted down.

Spencer's POV

When everyone arrived home later that day, they all tried to cheer me up, but to no avail. There was only one person who could make me feel better, and she wasn't here.

On Sunday we did nothing, just lounged around outside. I was burning through books at an incredible pace, as many as five in one day. They were the only things that could hold my focus at this point, the only things that could take my mind off of what I couldn't bear to think about. If the team noticed the signs of me using again, they didn't show it, for which I was very grateful. At work the next week, I felt my focus was pulled in even more. My job was one thing that I was continuously good at, and I wasn't about to let that go. I channeled my sorrows into extra hours on the job, and better work performance. As dead as I felt inside, I knew that the victims and their families felt much worse, so I chose to focus on that to get through the days.

Every night, I had a new and terrifying nightmare. I felt horrible for constantly waking the others up, so by the third night, I just didn't sleep at all. Coffee would have to do, I would make the sacrifice for my roommates. Because one person getting no sleep, wins out over five people getting no sleep. I sat cross-legged on my armchair in my room most nights, just thinking. Mostly I wondered what Llysa was doing at that moment, whether she was thinking of me too. I began to feel intensely depressed, she was probably the one person who had always understood me, never questioned my actions, never judged me. And she had always, always believed in me, not once had she doubted my ability for anything. It had been nice to feel like Superman for once, instead of Lois Lane.

Morgan's POV

I couldn't stand to see Reid like this. He never smiled anymore, and he didn't babble on about random facts anymore. This wasn't him at all. He gave straight answers and facts that were relevant only, and I couldn't deny his work ethic was better for it. In fact, his whole job performance had improved, not that it was bad before. But now he logged extra hours to solve every case, devoting all of his energy to solving every one. At home, all he did was read, or lock himself in his room and do God-knows-what. We had all watched his behavior closely, and he exhibited no signs of doing Dilaudid again, and I thanked God himself for that.

A couple of nights, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday nights, he had woken up to Reid screaming his head off over some particularly horrifying nightmares, though he would share with no one what they were about. Morgan could tell the other members of his team were really worried about him too. They weren't just a team, they were a family, and though he was 24 years old, Reid was still considered the baby of the team. They would all do anything to help him, and that's why the next Thursday, I had all I could stand and marched over to Llysa's house.

Everything had gone down on early Saturday morning, so Reid had been like that for almost a week. I couldn't let him continue on like that. I knocked on her front door at around 8 pm. No answer. I knocked again, harder. It suddenly dawned on me that she probably wouldn't answer if she knew it was me. Desperate times call for desperate measures, I took a deep breath and kicked the front door in.

I saw her peek around the corner of her bedroom, and look down the stairs at me. She bounded down the stairs, "What the hell are you doing ?" She demanded. She stopped in front of me, and I gasped in shock. She looked different, and not in a good way. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her cheekbones had grown sharper. A slight bruise was visible on her face. She had definitely lost weight, when she hadn't even been 100 pounds before. Her cropped sweatpants hung off her body, and her shirt exposed her sharp hipbones and flat stomach. Her cast was off, and her scars stood out, making her look like someone who had been through a war. I couldn't believe the change from just a week ago, had she even been eating ? "What happened to you ?" I whispered to her, horrified. "What do you mean, what happened ? I've been working out, is that a crime ?" I sat her down and told her seriously about Reid's behavior. "He needs you. He really, really does. I don't know why he said those things to you, but you're his best friend. You connected with him in a way none of us understand, faster than any of us ever did." "Well," she said, " Words can only be forgiven, not forgotten." She stood and walked calmly up the stairs to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

I gazed after her, unsure of how to make things right. I looked around the house that I stood in, it was spotless, and the living room furniture had been moved. I fixed the door to start with, and stayed in the house until she emerged again, ready to try a different approach.

Llysa's POV

I peered around the corner, Derek Morgan was standing in my living room. I rushed down the stairs. " What the hell are you doing ?" I demanded to know. He stayed silent, and looked me up and down. "What happened to you ?" he whispered, looking concerned. "What do you mean ? I started working out, that's all." I told him, put off by his reaction. He sat me down and told me all about how sad Spencer was, yadda yadda. Well, maybe if Spencer hadn't said those things to me, everything would be fine. Poor Spencer ? What about me ? I'm the one who's only fourteen, living alone in a strange town. But I listened intently, feeling bad for thinking all of those things. Spencer had been through so much, did I really need to be so mean toward him ? I was torn, because technically, he had been mean to me first, and he himself had told me to back off, so wasn't I actually respecting his wishes ? I kept my exterior calm, but inside, in security, worry, and confusion burned inside my stomach like acid. I faced Morgan and stated "Words can only be forgiven, never forgotten." With that, I strode into my bedroom, where I was free to break down once more, in peace.

I laid on my floor, reminiscing the night when Spencer had first really opened up to me. We had lain side-by-side in this very spot, talking and comforting one another, then laying in cozy silence. I gazed up at my ceiling, realizing how much I missed him. The way he would tell me a bunch of stuff I would have never known otherwise, the way he would absent-mindedly brush his hair out of his face, the way he twisted his fingers when he got nervous, the way he bit his lip seductively without knowing it. It was the little things like that, that made me appreciate the good times. Over thinking things wasn't helping me much, but I didn't have anything to drown out my thoughts. Anything non-harmful, that is.,

Morgan's POV

I stood in her living room for about fifteen minutes. I had turned to leave when I heard Llysa's bedroom door open, and she stepped out and faced me. Again, her appearance shocked me. She descended the stairs slowly, never taking her eyes off of me. : You can't fight fate," she said, her eyes wide and solemn. "Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain, right ? When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. All of these quotes got me thinking, got me thinking that if you want crappy things to stop happening to you, you have to stop accepting the crap and demand something more. So that's what I'm doing, the summer is almost over, and I don't wanna be away from him anymore. I have to go talk to him, right now." "That took a lot less convincing than I would've originally thought," I told her, smiling. Hand in hand, we started towards my house.

Spencer's POV

I sat in my usual spot, in my room, alone, in my armchair. My floor lamp cast a rosy glow over the room, lighting up my dark Thursday evening. I stood up and stretched, standing in the middle of the room. I sat where I stood, slouching over, resting my face in my hands. I missed Llysa, I missed her company the way I missed my mom. After being with Llysa, I felt even more alienated by everyone else, more misunderstood than ever. As if I needed that.

I could hear Morgan re-enter the house, and come up the stairs, stopping outside my bedroom. He was whispering with someone, and I strained to hear who it was. Probably Hotch or Rossi, come to check on me again. It was their natural propensity to be fatherly towards me, especially when I was troubled. Morgan's propensity was like that of an older brother's, always watchful. They knocked on the door; once, twice. "I just want to be alone right now," I told the visitors, my voice muffled by my hands. I heard something slide into the lock hole, and I turned around. The door was locked, and there was no way someone had the key to my room….. But still, I could hear a little jiggle, and the door opened softly, dragging on the brown carpeting. I returned to my position, trying to calm myself down. Someone padded up to me, stopping in front of me. I parted my fingers to see who the intruder was; small feet with shiny blue toenails looked back at me. I snapped my head up in surprise," Llysa ?"

Llysa's POV

I followed Morgan into the house, trailed behind him up the stairs, stopping outside of Spencer's room. He knocked a couple of times, with only a muffled reply in response. The door was locked, and I wasn't about to let Derek kick the door in like he had done to mine, so I pulled a bobby pin out of my hair and jimmied it into the key hole. The lock clicked, and I softly pushed the door open, padding softly into the room. I halted in front of Spencer's form, cross-legged on the floor, with his face hidden in his delicate hands. _Had I caused this ? _ I wondered. He looked utterly broken, and I felt instant terror and grief. I could see his head lift slightly, gazing at my feet. He raised his eyes to meet mine, and I'll never forget the look in his eyes.

His eyes said everything he needed to say in that moment. An apology, an I miss you, just, everything. I knelt down in front of him, and stroked his hair, brushing it away from his face. He stood up, and looked at me weirdly. _Why is everyone looking at me like that ?_ I wondered to myself. I looked down at myself, I thought I looked pretty damn good. All of my fingernails and toenails were painted perfectly, my legs were shaved, I had makeup on, my hair hung loose and wavy past my shoulder blades, and I had lost weight, so what was everyone's problem ? "What _happened_ to you ?" Spence asked me, looking bewildered. "Why. Does. Everyone. Keep. Asking. !" I demanded to know. "Honestly, do I look _that_ bad ?" I was pissed now. I come here ready to pour my heart out to him, and all he can say is "What happened to you ?" "Maybe I should…" I started for the door, intent on just leaving. "No !" Spencer said, jumping up and gripping my arm. His voice broke," Please."

My gaze flickered from the door to his pleading face. He wouldn't meet my eyes. Derek backed causally out of the room, closing the door behind him. "I'm so, so sorry Spence. I really am. I was being juvenile, and-" He cut me off by saying " What ? I'm the one who should be apologizing, after everything you have been through just this summer, and then with everything I myself put you through…" I looked up at him in surprise. "But Spence, you were the one who held me together, not the one who broke me. Despite everything that has happened recently, I knew that no matter what, I still had you." I felt unexpected tears rolling down my cheeks. I reached up to wipe them away, wondering why I was even crying. I sat on the floor, taking a shaking breath.

"Sometimes you don't even know things have changed. You think you are still you, and your life is still your life, but you wake up one day, and you don't recognize anything. Not anything at all," I thought aloud, looking at the floor. "I know exactly what you mean," Spencer whispered brokenly in response.

"What happened to us ?" I asked him, honestly wondering. "Reality." He told me. And in that moment, that could not have rung truer.

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate, I guess," I told him. "So, on a lighter note, did you miss me ?" I asked him, genuinely curious. "More than you know," he said. "I missed you every minute." His statement triggered a flashback for me, and suddenly I was back in that dank, brown basement, in searing pain, using my strength to sign "Miss you every minute," to Eddie. I wondered what had happened to Eddie. I had refused to see him, and he had been committed to the psych ward at the hospital that had treated him. However, I was unsure of what would happen to his house after I was gone, but that wasn't my decision to make anyway. Since he wasn't my legal guardian, and as far as the government knew, I was in Michigan, technically I wasn't even here. CPS would have surely contacted my parents if they had known that I was essentially living alone. _Wh__o's paying the bills ?_ I suddenly thought. Maybe all this time, I had been worrying about the wrong things, things that don't even matter at all.

All of this wasted time, I couldn't believe it. It was nearing the end of July, I was set to leave in a little over a month, on the last day of August. School started up again on September 7th. I just couldn't picture going home and carrying on with a normal life. I let my thoughts wander, mentally noting that I would have to teach Spencer how to use Skype….Spencer was looking at me with mild concern. I realized I had been sort of zoned out, lost in my thoughts. I gave him a small smile, which he returned. He looked extremely relieved that things were finally repaired between us. He gave a small sigh, leaning his head on my shoulder, sitting beside me now. It was then that I saw something that I hadn't noticed before on Spencer's arm; needle marks.

I was paralyzed. What should I do ? We had so little time left together, should I just leave it so we can be happy ? Hadn't I caused enough trouble, hadn't we all had enough hardship ? But what if his health was threatened ? I made a tough decision, if someone else noticed it, then they could call it to attention. Having a happy ending was too important to me to mess it up again, it had already been jeopardized countless times. Besides, if profilers hadn't noticed it or thought it to be an object of concern, then everything must be alright. It just had to be.

The door flung open. Garcia stomped in, but stopped abruptly when she took in the sight before her; Spencer and I sitting side by side, in the same way, with his head on my shoulder and my arm around his back. "I was all ready to end this once and for all, but it looks like you two have everything worked out already. Carry on." She turned to leave, but Spencer stopped her. "Garcia ? Can you stay a minute ?" He asked in a timid tone. "Of course my little brainiac !" She lowered herself to the floor in front of us. "You had your angry face on Garcia, I don't think I've ever seen it !" I commented to her. She smiled graciously in response. "I just wanted to say, thank you. Thank you for putting up with me, all of you, and I'm embarrassed at the way I acted." Spencer told her, looking down and playing with his hands. "Oh, sweetie !" Garcia said, touched. "We weren't putting up with you, we were taking care of you ! That's what family does." She patted his shoulder, winked at me, and left. Spence said nothing, only reached over and squeezed my hand.

After that night, Spencer and I were inseparable. Garcia taught him how to text, so on his lunch break every day, I would get a cute text from him, usually a statistic or fact of the day. After work, every other day I would go to the teams house and just do whatever with them, sometimes just with Spencer. One day in the middle of August, I sat Spencer down and showed him how to work Skype, making sure that he knew exactly how to use it. Every night that he had a nightmare after that, he would Skype me in the middle of the night.

One day I failed to receive a text from Spencer.

I paced for hours, waiting for SOME kind of contact from the team. I knew that I couldn't just call them at their workplace, so I would have to wait. And so I did.

Derek called me around five o'clock. "Go outside, be ready when I pull up." He told me. I did as I was instructed, and hopped in the vehicle when he pulled into the driveway. He turned to me with a solemn expression, "It's Spencer. Now, don't freak out, he's okay now." "Now ?" I asked. "He's in the hospital." "Well ? Spit out the whole story, NOW !" "While on the case today, he contracted anthrax," Morgan said, looking over to gauge my reaction. I snapped my fingers at him; "Eyes on the road !" I ran my hand shakily through my hair. Thank God he's okay. He's okay, he's okay, I kept telling myself, relieved. Above everything, at least he was okay.

I felt as though even though he was still sick, I had been cut a huge break for once. He had gotten to the hospital just in time. I looked over at his sleeping form, taking in his condition again. He had purple, bruise-like bags under his eyes, and his hair was matted with sweat. He claimed he felt much better than he looked, and I dearly hoped so. I stroked his hand, and he turned over, restless in his sleep, as he had been all day. I had been by his side for four hours straight, with Prentiss bringing me coffee every hour. Every team member had been in to visit him, and I knew they didn't mind me hogging him, we had such little precious time left.

Suddenly Reid cried out in his sleep. He started waving at the air again, and twisting around. I jumped up, trying to wake him, still wary of the last time he had had a nightmare. Hotch heard the screaming and rushed in, waking him quickly. He was rougher with Spencer than I'd liked, but it got the job done. Spence sat up, gasping, his gown sticking to his sweaty chest. "It's okay, I'm here." I soothed him, smoothing his now wild hair down. He looked at me confused. "You're in the hospital, sweetheart. Don't you remember ?" I laughed a little at having to say that, what with his eidetic memory. The light outside the window was dwindling now, painting the pale blue sky with shades of lavender and velvety gray, as the night closed upon us. Slowly, the days would become shorter, the weather less and less warm, until brisk fall air was all that was left of the summer. With each passing day, I became more afraid, more anxious about leaving my friends behind in Virginia. Suddenly, I couldn't imagine going home and doing all of the things I had once been content with; sitting endlessly on my computer, watching mindless television shows for hours on end, just sitting round with my friends, day after day. Because Spencer Reid had shown me what it was like to feel again.

As if looking into my thoughts, Spencer gripped my hand all the more tighter. I sat next to him on one side of his bed, and he scooted over to make room. "What are you thinking about Spence ?' I asked him, even though I already knew. "You. Us." He told me, turning his head to look right into my eyes. "Color my life with the chaos of trouble…." I murmured to myself. "That's pretty accurate huh ?" I said, this time to Spencer. "Well, I wouldn't really call your life troubled, more….riddled with bad luck, I suppose." Was his reply. "That's, um, eloquently put…" We bantered on and on like this for a while, just enjoying each other's company. As weird as it sounds, that was one of my favorite nights with him.

Spencer was released late the next day, and sent home, with strict orders to take at least one day off from work, from both his doctors and Hotch. We spent the day together, naturally. We watched stupid 90's movies, ate junk food, and lounged around. We stayed in our pajamas all day, and I could tell how pleased he was to just do something normal for once. His pajamas were hilarious; flannel button up, and long bottoms that hung off his thin frame. They were decorated with the FBI logo. And of course, he was wearing his signature two different colored socks; one lime green with dinosaurs, and the other purple with cats. My pajamas consisted of black basketball shorts and a tight red tank top. We were quite a pair.

Spencer's POV

I looked up at Llysa, taking in her emaciated form. She was definitely looking more gaunt, and less healthy. Her cast had come off, and her right arm looked like a spaghetti noodle, pale and limp, but covered with scars. "What happened to you ?" I blurted out without thinking. "Why. Does. Everyone. Keep. Asking. !" She demanded to know. "Honestly, do I look _that _ bad ?" she questioned, sounding angry. She started towards the door, "Maybe I should just…" she started to say, but I cut her off, jumping up and grabbing her arm. "No ! Stay with me_. Please_." I begged her.

Her gaze flitted to the door and back to my pleading face. I wouldn't meet her eyes. Derek backed out of the room, closing the door behind him. "I'm so, so sorry Spence. I really am. I was being juvenile, and-" I cut me off by saying " What ? I'm the one who should be apologizing, after everything you have been through just this summer, and then with everything I myself put you through…" She peeked up at me with mild surprise. "But Spence, you were the one who held me together, not the one who broke me. Despite everything that has happened recently, I knew that no matter what, I still had you." I watched shiny, fat tears rolled down her cheeks. She reached up to wipe them away, sitting on the floor and drawing in a ragged breath.

"Sometimes you don't even know things have changed. You think you are still you, and your life is still your life, but you wake up one day, and you don't recognize anything. Not anything at all," She said aloud, looking at the floor. "I know exactly what you mean," I whispered brokenly in response.

"What happened to us ?" She inquired to me.. "Reality." I told me. And in that moment, that could not have rung truer.

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate, I guess," She told me. "So, on a lighter note, did you miss me ?" She then asked me, sounding genuinely curious. "More than you know," I said. "I missed you every minute."

She sat in silence, seeming trapped in her thoughts. I watched her as she looked down at the floor, unaware of my eyes. The door flung open, and Garcia stomped in, but stopped abruptly when she took in the sight before her; Llysa and I sitting together, with my arm around her back. "I was all ready to end this once and for all, but it looks like you two have everything worked out already. Carry on." She turned to leave, but I stopped her. There was something I needed to tell her, and it couldn't wait. "Garcia ? Can you stay a minute ?" I asked her in a demure tone. "Of course my little brainiac !" She slipped to the floor in front of us. "You had your angry face on Garcia, I don't think I've ever seen it !" Llysa commented to her.. "I just wanted to say, thank you. Thank you for putting up with me, all of you, and I'm embarrassed at the way I acted." I told her, looking down at my fingers. "Oh, sweetie !" Garcia said, touched. "We weren't putting up with you, we were taking care of you ! That's what family does." She patted my shoulder lightly and left. I said nothing, just reached over and squeezed my best friends hand.

After that night, her and I were absolutely inseparable. Garcia showed me how to text, so on my lunch break every day, I would send her a text, almost always a statistic or fact of the day. After work, every other day I would go to her house just to do whatever. Some days the team would hang out with us too, and some days it was just her and I. One day in August, Llysa showed me how to use a computer program called Skype, which I could use to video chat with her. It was very hip, I knew her reason for showing me how to use it was so that I could video call her when she left me. Even so, every time I had a nightmare, I called her on video chat.

One day on the job, we had a particularly difficult case. Morgan and I went on site to try and find an unsub who had created a dangerous strain of the virus anthrax, and before I knew it, I was inside a house infested with the disease. I had to work quickly, if I wasn't going to make it out of this, then I'd better at least be able to save the rest of the victims, or victims to come. Morgan was pretty angry with me for not allowing him access to the house, but one infected team member was enough. As I searched for the cure to the virus, I knew that there was one thing I had to do. Call my mother.

At tthis point I could feel the virus spreading through my body, flowing through my bloodstream. I called Garcia and instructed her to record a message for my mother, and told her everything I had always wanted to say. I felt that now I could die with dignity.

I found the cure, and I was rushed out of the house immediately. On the way to the hospital, being rushed by ambulance, I began to experience aphasia, and cough of blood. That's the last thing I remember.

I woke up screaming and thrashing, from a particularly frightening nightmare in which Llysa was trapped in the house with the anthrax, and I was in Morgan's position, stuck outside, unable to help. Hotch woke me up roughly, shaking my shoulder with surprising force. I sat upright, sticky with perspiration. Llysa was by my side, smoothing my hair down, muttering soothing words. I looked at her in bewilderment, where was I ? I didn't recognize any of my surroundings, except for Hotch and Llysa. . "You're in the hospital, sweetheart. Don't you remember ?" Llysa laughed, probably because of my eidetic light outside the window was fading now, painting the pale sky with shades of lavender and velvety gray, as the night floated upon us. I gripped her hand in mine all the more tighter. As she sat next to me on one side of the bed. "What are you thinking about Spence ?' She asked me, even though I had the suspicion that she already knew. "You. Us." I told me, swiveling my head to look right into her twinkling eyes. "Color my life with the chaos of trouble…." She murmured. More to herself than to me. "That's pretty accurate huh ?" she asked me. "Well, I wouldn't really call your life troubled, more….riddled with bad luck, I suppose." Was my reply. "That's, um, eloquently put…" Her and I continued to go on like this for quite a while, and I didn't want the night to end.

I was released late in the afternoon the next day, and sent home, with orders to take at least one day off from work, from both the doctors and Hotch. Llysa and I spent the day together, naturally. We watched old 90's movies, ate junk food, and lounged around. We stayed in our pajamas all day, and I was secretly really excited to be doing something like this. For once in my life, I felt normal.

Llysa's POV

Lately I hadn't been sleeping very much at all, maybe two hours a night. I wasn't sure why,

because now that Spencer and I had made up, my life was actually going pretty well. In saying that, I am probably jinxing myself, but it feels nice to be able to say that all the same. Reid slept at my house that night, and I didn't know quite how to tell him, so I pretended to be asleep. When Spencer himself was finally asleep, I quietly got up and tiptoed outside. I stood on the deck, leaning over the railing, watching the stars and listening to the trickle of the pond. There was a balmy breeze that blew my hair back around my shoulders, and the night was perfect; crickets and frogs chirping, fireflies lit up all around me, twinkling stars and a crescent moon. It felt like everything was finally going to be okay.

A dark figure appeared next to me, and I jumped, my hand flying to my throat. "Jesus ! Spence, you scared me !" I scolded him. "What are you doing up, are you okay ?" He asked me, sounding genuinely surprised and concerned. "Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping too well lately…" I looked up at him, suddenly remembering yet another quote perfect for the moment, so I spoke it aloud to him. "Reality is finally better than my dreams." "Dr. Suess." Reid told me quietly. I knew he would catch my reference. It was bizarre that the only time my memory didn't suck was when I was stating or thinking of a quote…. Anyway, I broke the silence by inquiring what he was doing up. "Nightmare…." He told me, looking out into the yard, not meeting my eyes. Despite his height, he looked so fragile, like a little boy, standing there in his pj's seeking comfort from a bad dream. "C'mon," I said. "I'll make you some hot cocoa." "But it's the middle of summer…." He protested. "We'll turn up the air conditioning." I retorted, winking. He followed me inside, watching as I stood on the counter, searching the top cupboards for the cocoa mix. "You know I'm perfectly capable of reaching that," he told me, referencing his height. "I know," I knocked over a bag of flour on accident, and I watched in horror as it toppled off the shelf, hit the counter, and exploded. ALL OVER REID ! His face was priceless, and I burst into a gallant of uncontrollable laughter. I apologized profusely between torrents, and he just stood there, stunned. Eventually he started to laugh as well, wiping the flour from his eyes. He pinched a mound and threw it at me, and pretty soon, coca forgotten, the kitchen and both of us were coated with white powder. Come to think of it, we probably looked like crack-heads.

I looked at the clock, it was just after 3:30am. Spencer and I were laying on the floor in the kitchen, legs intertwined, just talking. We both had flour everywhere in our hair, and not to mention the entire kitchen and our clothes as well. I darted forward and kissed his cheek, leaving an imprint in the flour. He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. I wondered if he was thinking of the last time I had kissed his cheek, more than a month ago, when I had woken up in the hospital to find him there. His phone rang in the other room, and he jumped up to get it. I knew it in the pit of my stomach, they had a case. Sure enough, he emerged again, looking at the mess, then looking at me apologetically. I stood, giving him a hug. "Be safe." He hugged me tightly back, and kissed the top of my head. "Goodbye," he said, rushing out the door to go home and change. "Not goodbye," I told him. "See you later."

Spencer's POV

I woke up from another horrifying night terror. I looked to Llysa for comfort, but she wasn't there. I bolted upright, afraid that something was wrong. My heart was pounding as I searched the house room by room. I had expected her to be in her bedroom, maybe sleeping in her own bed for some reason. But no such luck. I began to panic now, but I didn't dare yell her name for fear of waking her up, maybe she was still sleeping somewhere ? I finally decided that the only place she could be was maybe the backyard. I looked out of the glass in the back door, and sure enough, there she was. She stood leaning over the railing, her hair blowing behind her. I walked up behind her, and she jumped, A dark figure appeared next to me, and I jumped, my hand flying to my throat. "Jesus ! Spence, you scared me !" I scolded him. "What are you doing up, are you okay ?" He asked me, sounding genuinely surprised and concerned. "Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping too well lately…" I looked up at him, suddenly remembering yet another quote perfect for the moment, so I spoke it aloud to him. "Reality is finally better than my dreams." "Dr. Suess." Reid told me quietly. I knew he would catch my reference. It was bizarre that the only time my memory didn't suck was when I was stating or thinking of a quote…. Anyway, I broke the silence by inquiring what he was doing up. "Nightmare…." He told me, looking out into the yard, not meeting my eyes. Despite his height, he looked so fragile, like a little boy, standing there in his pj's seeking comfort from a bad dream. "C'mon," I said. "I'll make you some hot cocoa." "But it's the middle of summer…." He protested. "We'll turn up the air conditioning." I retorted, winking. He followed me inside, watching as I stood on the counter, searching the top cupboards for the cocoa mix. "You know I'm perfectly capable of reaching that," he told me, referencing his height. "I know," I knocked over a bag of flour on accident, and I watched in horror as it toppled off the shelf, hit the counter, and exploded. ALL OVER REID ! His face was priceless, and I burst into a gallant of uncontrollable laughter. I apologized profusely between torrents, and he just stood there, stunned. Eventually he started to laugh as well, wiping the flour from his eyes. He pinched a mound and threw it at me, and pretty soon, coca forgotten, the kitchen and both of us were coated with white powder. Come to think of it, we probably looked like crack-heads.

I looked at the clock, it was just after 3:30am. Spencer and I were laying on the floor in the kitchen, legs intertwined, just talking. We both had flour everywhere in our hair, and not to mention the entire kitchen and our clothes as well. I darted forward and kissed his cheek, leaving an imprint in the flour. He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. I wondered if he was thinking of the last time I had kissed his cheek, more than a month ago, when I had woken up in the hospital to find him there. His phone rang in the other room, and he jumped up to get it. I knew it in the pit of my stomach, they had a case. Sure enough, he emerged again, looking at the mess, then looking at me apologetically. I stood, giving him a hug. "Be safe." He hugged me tightly back, and kissed the top of my head. "Goodbye," he said, rushing out the door to go home and change. "Not goodbye," I told him. "See you later."

Spencer's POV

I woke up from another horrifying night terror. I looked to Llysa for comfort, but she wasn't there. I bolted upright, afraid that something was wrong. My heart was pounding as I searched the house room by room. I had expected her to be in her bedroom, maybe sleeping in her own bed for some reason. But no such luck. I began to panic now, but I didn't dare yell her name for fear of waking her up, maybe she was still sleeping somewhere ? I finally decided that the only place she could be was maybe the backyard. I looked out of the glass in the back door, and sure enough, there she was. She stood leaning over the railing, her hair blowing behind her. I walked up behind her, and she jumped, her hand flying to her throat. "Jesus ! Spence, you scared me !" She scolded me. "What are you doing up, are you okay ?" I asked her, concerned. "Yeah, I just haven't been sleeping too well lately…" She gazed up at me, saying, "Reality is finally better than my dreams." "Dr. Suess." I blurted out of habit. She broke the silence by inquiring what I was doing up. "Nightmare…." I told her self-consciously, looking out into the yard, purposely not meeting her eyes. "C'mon," She said. "I'll make you some hot cocoa." "But it's the middle of summer…." I protested. "We'll turn up the air conditioning." She replied, winking. I followed her inside, watching as she stood on the counter, searching the top cupboards for the cocoa mix. "You know I'm perfectly capable of reaching that," I told her, gesturing to my stature. "I know," She said, knocking over a bag of flour on accident, and I watched in horror as it toppled off the shelf, hit the counter, and exploded. All over me. My mouth opened in a silent gasp, and the white powder clung to my face and hair like snow on a roof. She apologized profusely between bouts of laughter, and I stood there, stunned. Eventually I started laughing as well, wiping the flour from my eyes. I pinched a mound and bravely tossed it at her, and pretty soon, cocoa forgotten, the kitchen and both of us were coated with white powder.

Llysa and I were laying on the floor in the kitchen until around 3:30am, legs intertwined, just talking. Our faces and hair were covered with the white fluffy stuff, not to mention our clothes as well. She lunged forward and kissed my powdery cheek, leaving an imprint in the flour. I raised my eyebrows, saying nothing. I pondered whether she was thinking of the last time we had kissed, when she had first woken up in the hospital. I'd never admit it, but that was my first kiss.

My cell phone rang in the other room, and I hopped up to get it. We had a new case. I re-entered the room, absorbing the actuality of the mess. I looked at Llys apologetically, desperately hoping she wouldn't be angry with me. She just stood, giving me a hug, "Be safe." I hugged her tightly back, glad she understood, and kissed the top of her head. "Goodbye," I told her, rushing out the door to go home and change. "Not goodbye,"She told me. "See you later."

I couldn't just sit around waiting for Spencer's return, whenever that may be, so I stood, brushing some of the flour off of my pajamas. I mopped the fluffy powder off the floor, then wiped down the counters and cabinets. I decided to do some laundry, since my pajamas were completely caked with flour still. I took a quick shower, then gathered everything in need of washing. Spencer, for some reason, kept three sweaters at my house, so I figured what the heck, and decided to wash them as well. I looked at their labels, not wanting to shrink them. "Are you kidding me ?" I asked aloud. All three sweaters were hand-wash only.

I had nothing else to do, so I washed the sweaters anyway. I spent half an hour washing a grown man's sweaters. In actuality though, I didn't mind. If it made Reid smile, I would do it.

I hung his sweaters up carefully, marveling at how small of a size his small frame wore. I began to ponder what I should do for him before I leave. I wanted to do soemthing really special for him, something personal to show I cared. I didn't just wanna buy something, I was a horrible artist, and he had already read a lot of my writings and poems when I was kidnapped. I was contemplating writing him a song...I could get Garcia to play it in the background of a video with pictures of him and I ! I had many pictures of his team and I, but only a few of just the two of us. Garcia could help me out, I was sure.

By now it was 5:00, but I figured that it was as good a time as any to catch up on sleep. I had already done my duties, and Spencer was no doubt hard at work, so I collapsed into bed, my last thought being "Maybe I'm nocturnal..."

Spencer's POV

I felt horrible for just ditching Llysa like that, but it was my job. I quickly threw off my powdery pajamas, and they puffed dust up from where they had hit. I was still thinking of ways to make it up to her as I drove, alone, to the headquarters. It was surprising that no one had been home, that no one had waited for me, and that I should have to actually drive, alone at that. But everyone must have had their own separate thing going on...

Our case was not a particularly difficult or time consuming one, but it still took a while. I had arrived at just before 4 AM, and the case ended at around 8AM. The unsub was caught, and it was a happy ending. We all agreed to celebrate by going home and catching up on sleep. As usual, Hotch and Rossi left first, to return to their families. Morgan, Prentiss and I drove home in an SUV behind JJ, Garcia, and Gideon. I figured Llysa would be sleeping, so I tried to get some sleep as well. For the first time in a while, the nightmares disappeared again.

Someone was on my bed. They were bouncing on it, with no regard for my sleep. I opened my eyes, Llys was bouncing on the end of my bed, looking excited. Her hand was behind her back, and she whipped out a magazine from behind her, smiling broadly. She flipped it to a certain page, practically shoving it in my face. "Ahhhh !" She screamed joyfully, "You're in a magazine !" She looked so proud of me, so genuinely jubilated that I couldn't help but grin as well. There was an article and a full-body picture of me, proclaiming me a "unsurpassed genius" I didn't know about that, but it made me feel good to get some recognition. At the same time, I felt bad that the others hadn't gotten recognized, but they seemed genuinely happy for me as well. She bounded down the stairs, still jumping excitedly. She showed everyone the picture at least twice, even though they had already seen it. "You look so adorable !" She told me, still staring at the picture. "I'm so proud of you, Spencer. I really am." Her eyes shone, and she smiled brilliantly at me, tilting her head slightly and letting her hair cascade over one shoulder, wavy and loose. I couldn't remember someone ever looking at me like that, someone being so proud of me. I could get used to this.


	2. Chapter's 30-32 and Epilogue

Llysa's POV

Several days later, Spencer was helping me begin to put things away. It was August 18th, and I would be leaving on the 31st. He grabbed a shoebox out from under my bed as I carefully packed away things on my dresser. I heard the sound as the top slipped off and the contents slid out and onto the floor. I didn't turn around until I realized what might be in the box. I whipped around in time to see Spence bend down and pick the items up, looking at them and squinting in confusion. "Spencer !" I shrieked. "Don't-" he looked at me with an odd expression. "You witnessed a murder ?!" He asked me, his voice rising up at the end. I had forgotten that he could read 20,00 words per minute, he had probably read three articles by now. It was all I could do to stand there in shock, with my jaw hanging open. He stepped towards me, tilting his head ever so slightly, oozing empathy. "It says that your best friend was murdered when you were twelve. That you witnessed it and helped put the guy away." I lowered my head, my tears stinging my face like razors. The sorrow I had gotten rid of long ago now came flooding back full-force. "Why didn't you tell me ?" He asked, sounding hurt. "I c-c-couldn't s-save her." I cried. "I should've saved her !" "You were twelve years old !" he told me, still using the same smooth, sympathetic tone. "Exactly ! I was TWELVE YEARS OLD ! What were you doing at twelve, graduating high school ?!" I retorted. "You know that's not the same thing at all." "I didn't want you to know about my past, okay ? I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." I flashed back to that day, two years ago, when I was downstairs with my best friend at the time, Della Winters. We were fooling around in the basement, when the doorbell rang. We raced each other to get it, but Della got there first. The man burst through the door the second she opened it, and grabbed her around the neck in a chokehold from behind, because she was the closest. I was so naïve, at first I honestly thought it was one of her brothers friends fooling around. Until he pulled out a knife and threatened me, saying he would kill her if I made a move to get help. I moved, and he choked her dead right there in front of me. I killed my best friend.

He looked me straight in the eye, and I could see an odd expression there. It was blurred through my tears, but he definitely looked…..angry. "You think this was your fault ?!" He asked incredulously. He pointed to the newspaper," This guy killed her. This man, not you, murdered your friend. There was nothing you could have done differently, nothing you could have done to save her !" He was talking really fast now, trying to reassure me. I shook my head at him, disbelieving. "You knew everything about me, couldn't you just leave one stone unturned ?" I stalked out of the room. I was pissed beyond belief, couldn't he have just left it alone ? All I wanted was a happy ending, we had so little time left, and he was about to wreck it all again. So much time had been wasted already, with my kidnapping, me running away, me being in the hospital, me and Spencer's previous blow-out….. I sighed, once again, losing my faith in a happy ending.

Spencer's POV

A couple of days later, I was assisting Llysa pack. It was August 18th, and she would be leaving on the 31st. I picked up a shoebox from under the bed as she carefully packed away the things on her dresser. She whipped as I bent down and retrieved the items. I looked at them and squinted in confusion. "Spencer !" She suddenly shrieked. "Don't-" I looked up at her,stunned. "You witnessed a murder ?!" I asked her, my voice rising a few octaves in surprise. I stepped toward her, tilting my head slightly. "It says that your best friend was murdered when you were twelve. That you witnessed it and helped put the guy away." She lowered her head,her face crumpling with emotion and fought-back tears. "Why didn't you tell me ?" I asked, hurt that she had kept something so HUGE from me all this time… "I c-c-couldn't s-save her." She cried. "I should've saved her !" "You were twelve years old !" I reminded her in a sympathetic tone. "Exactly ! I was TWELVE YEARS OLD ! What were you doing at twelve, graduating high school ?!" She retorted angrily. "You know that's not the same thing at all." "I didn't want you to know about my past, okay ? I didn't want you to feel sorry for me." I looked her straight in the eye, with disbelief. I felt almost…angered. "You think this was your fault ?!" I asked incredulously, pointing at the newspaper," This guy killed her. This man, not you, murdered your friend. There was nothing that you could have done differently, nothing you could have done to save her !" I was speaking really quickly now, trying to reassure her that she was not to blame, in any way. She shook her head, pissed. "You know everything about me, couldn't you have just left ONE stone unturned ?" She stormed out of the room then, obviously upset. I felt horrible for dredging u[ such a horrific past, but how could I have let her bottle this up inside ? How could I have just turned away, turned a blind eye, and let her struggle with something ? I will never forget that article, it's literally impossible for me too. I decided with finality that I had made the right decision.

Llysa's POV  
I leaned over the deck railing, sighing heavily. All of my memories came flooding back, drowning out my thoughts. They were rushing through my head, making it pound. I turned and rested my back against the railing, sliding down to sit with my knees to my chest. I cradled my aching head in my hands, tears streaming down. I thought my past was behind me, but I guess not...

Really, I couldnt, well, SHOULDNT blame Spencer, it wasnt his fault. He didnt mean to see the articles, after all, I was the one who had kept them. Once again, I had gone off on him for no reason, shut him out when he was only trying to help me. And when I needed him most. Maybe Eddie had been onto something, trying to take the easy way out...

Spencer's POV  
I took a deep breath and followed Llysa outside. I sped up as I saw her curled up, holding her head. I pried her hands off the side of her head, and she lifted her eyes up to meet mine. Fresh tears fell, glistening like they were made of liquid diamond. I looked her straight in the eyes, her hazel ones gazing back in mine. Her's looked like they went on for miles, they held so much depth to them for such a young person. Neither of us blinked, we just stared unwaveringly, each one unwilling to look away or break the gaze. "I'm...sorry." She said softly. She kissed my cheek, covering her eyes with her hands again. I slid over next to her, sitting cross legged. I initiated a hug, wrapping my long arms around her bony waist. She rested her head on my shoulder, rubbing her head on my sweater. She closed her eyes, and I thought of all the hard times we had sat like this, and I began to reminisce all of the time we had spent together. The first day we met, the first statistic I ever told her. For once, I stayed quiet. I knew she needed me, as a friend, not as a savior, not as an agent, not as an elder, not as someone she needed information from. It felt nice to be needed this way.

For once, no one was expecting me to give them information, or make everything better. Someone was just expecting me to be there, and that was fine by me.

Llysa's POV

I heard footsteps, but I didnt look up until I felt Spencer's cold hands over mine, forcing them off of the side of my head. I looked into his eyes, and I felt the sincerity there. I saw how much he just wanted to help me, and I resigned, relaxing my posture but not removing my gaze from him. More tears spilled over, but I still wouldnt look away. "I'm sorry..." I apologized softly, kissing his soft cheek. I removed my wrists from his grip, covering my eyes. Spencer moved away, but then I felt his presence next to me, and his arms wrapped around my waist. I snuggled my head onto his warm shoulder. I closed my eyes, happy that he had forgiven my behavior so easily. No one was a better friend than him, he was always willing to help. I was so lucky to have him.

Even though my eyes were closed, the tears kept coming. I wasnt sobbing; they were silent tears, fat drops that splattered when the hit the wood of the deck. Spencer said nothing, but the silence was peaceful, not awkward or uncaring. It fell around us, blanketing us in warmth and comfort as the late summer sun set behind us.

"It is a grave injustice to a child or adult to insist that they stop crying. One can comfort a person who is crying which enables him to relax and makes further crying unnecessary; but to humiliate a crying child is to increase his pain, and augment his rigidity. We stop other people from crying because we cannot stand the sounds and movements of their bodies. It threatens our own rigidity. It induces similar feelings in ourselves which we dare not express and it evokes a resonance in our own bodies which we resist." I quoted this to Spencer, the memory of this passage randomly sparked by this everlasting moment we were sharing. "Alexander Lowen." He replied. I nodded, eyes still closed, and stood up to face the sun.

"Llys ! You ready ?" Spence called to me, his voice echoing up the staircase. "Hold on !" I yelled back. I took one last look at my room, thinking of everything that had happened here that summer. I spun in a slow circle, taking it all in before I stepped out of my room for the last time. I took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, not looking behind me this time. Spencer and the team were waiting for me in the living room, helping me pack my stuff and take it to the airport. Only Spencer and Derek would be driving me there. I hugged all of them in turn, sniffling. Garcia was openly crying, and I hugged her tight. I would miss them all more than words could express. I flashed back to the day I got the news-

*time lapse into the past*

I sank into an armchair in the living room. I couldn't believe it- Eddie had left all of his property in my name. I didn't have to leave ! I could stay, and be with my Virginia family. Maybe it was fate ? But then I thought of everyone back home, namely my real family. I had a big decision to make, and I couldn't take it lightly. Did I really want to stay in Virginia for the rest of my life, after everything that had happened here ? Did I honestly think I could bear it, especially living in this house that Eddie had tried to commit suicide in ? Who would I live with ? What would my parents say ? What about my friends ? Endless questions that I didn't have the answers to raced through my mind. I looked up at Spencer. "I can't. I'm not taking the house." My sudden finality surprised even me. But then I realized, how could I have considered staying here as even a logical possibility ? As much as I didn't want to, I had to leave this chapter of my life behind…

Everyone else seemed shocked, but then I realized they probably hadn't thought it over real well either. We were all just so desperate to stay together that we didn't care the cost. But we knew what needed to be done in the end…

*time lapse back to the present*

I let my tears flow, but I was smiling. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened, right ? Well, I was doing both. I reminded myself I had chosen my fate, this fate, and I felt a little better. It wasn't like I wouldn't ever see them again. We made plans to see each other if they ever had a case in Michigan. I didn't mind waiting, good things come to those who wait. Besides, I had a feeling I wouldn't be waiting long…

I climbed into the SUV with Spencer and Derek, with Derek driving and Spence in the back with me. I rolled the window down, letting the sun hit my face, and letting the wind dry my tears. My hair whipped around, and I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. Who knows, maybe I would even come back to Virginia some day.

At the airport, Derek hauled my bags inside, and helped me go through security. I hugged him goodbye for the last time, and Spencer appeared from wherever he had been. Derek left to give us some time alone, and Reid hugged me tightly. I felt worried, he had initiated the hug on his own, which he never did. And he had never squeezed so tightly. For a minute, I felt overcome with doubt. Was I making the right decision ? Could I even leave him ? Would he be okay ? But then I remembered he had his team, and they would take care of him for me. He pulled back, wiping away tears. I looked up at him and waved. I turned to go, expecting him to stop me. He didn't.

I turned around, and he was hurrying in the other direction. I felt a stab of grief, he didn't even look back at me. But I swallowed it and kept going. I was just about to board the plane when something hit me. I had forgotten something very important. I had never told him "I love you." A quote popped into my head that stopped me in my tracks. Someone slammed into me, but I continued to stand in the middle of the crowded, bustling airport. 'Did you say it ?_' I love you. I don't ever wanna live without you. You_ changed my life. 'Did you say it ?' Make a plan, set a goal, work towards it. Because it all might be gone tomorrow. With that thought in my head, I turned and ran. Away from my plane.

I was fumbling through the crowd like an idiot, pushing people aside, elbowing them out of my way. I saw Derek's SUV still parked in the same spot and I still had fight. He leapt out of the car as I ran toward him. "Where's Spencer ? I asked him, breathless. "I thought he was with you !" He never came back to the truck. Without another word, I turned and ran AGAIN, back into the airport to find him. I had to find him, I had to tell him. I had to.

I ignored Derek calling me and rushed into the crowded building, screaming Spencer's name like an idiot. I hoped there wasn't someone else there by chance named Spencer, so I started calling Spencer Reid obnoxiously loud. He suddenly appeared behind me, clapping a hand over my mouth. "You're making a big scene. What ?!" He scolded me, blushing. "I love you." The way I said it wasn't romantic and breathy, I just blurted it out. The last call for my flight came, and I jumped into his arms before racing off for the umpteenth time. I made it on the plane just as the doors were closing. I felt so much better now that I had gotten that off my chest. I missed him already, but I tried to focus on getting back home and starting sophomore year. Without the BAU team.

Epilogue

I wrote a letter to Spencer every day after that. Sometimes I addressed the whole team in them, sometimes not. I sent them gifts at Christmas, and they came to see me for New Years. Everything back home was just as I'd left it, though my family and I got along better now. Sophomore year was going great, and I was thriving. I still missed everyone in Virginia though, but I knew I'd made the right decision. After March though, the letters stopped coming. I still continued to send them every once in a while, but not as often, and I never got a reply. It didn't hurt me as much as I'd thought, because I was so busy with everything. It still hurt for years afterward though to hear about the FBI on the news and still not have an answer as to why they stopped speaking with me. But again, I figured somehow it was for the best. By the time I graduated high school, I had all but forgotten about my fourteenth summer. I guess nothing was really the same after that summer with Spencer.

I stood stunned, looking after Llysa. I turned and walked back to the truck.

I received so many letters from her after she arrived back in Michigan, sometimes three in a day, but judging by what she'd dated them, she wrote one each day. I replied back to her of course, happy to hear from her. This went on for quite a while, and she even sent gifts at Christmas, giving me a picture she had painted. It was a beautiful painting of a huge, colorful library. I still have it to this day. The whole team went to visit her at New Year's, and we had an amazing time. It wasn't the same as when she was in Virginia, and I knew everyone could tell. After April I made the decision to stop replying to her letters. That didn't mean I still didn't read them though. She continued to update me on her life until about December. I knew that we couldn't live our whole lives waiting for each other, and I felt that I was just holding her back from continuing a real life, her actual life. I focused on my job, and getting another PhD to advance my career. Things came up, and then I wasn't thinking about her as often anymore, and then barely at all. It was only little things that reminded me of her, such as flour, that doctor show she liked, and people who had funny laughs. I guess after that one summer, everything was changed.

*Six Years Later* Spencer, 30 years old, top ranked FBI profiler

I hurried down a crowded sidewalk in Michigan, thinking intently about a case we had just finished. It had really gotten to me, because the unsub killed only mothers with young sons. I tried to focus on the nice fall weather, but my mind kept wandering. Someone calling my name broke my reverie. I turned to see Llysa coming toward me. I recognized her immediately, she looked so much the same, yet so different. She was slightly taller, and her face was more angular. Most of her freckles had disappeared, and her hair was shorter. But she was smiling broadly, and I could see an array of medical texts in her arms. It looked like she finally got to do the thing she loved. "Llysa. Wow. I see you've made it into medical school." She nodded. "Yeah….would you…like to get some coffee with me ?" I chuckled."You know me too well." I grabbed her arm, and for a minute, I swear we turned back into that gawky kid with the long hair and the young girl with the big cast.

*Six Years Later* Llysa, 20 years old, med student

I rushed down the steps of the library, carefully cradling four large medical texts in the crook of the arm. I looked down at the crowd gathering at the bottom of the concrete steps, and I stopped cold. For a moment, a flash of a second, I thought I saw someone familiar. The more I looked, the more I realized it was true. Before me was none other than Spencer Reid. Sure, his hair was much shorter and more modern, but I would know that head anywhere. I raced up to him, "Spencer Reid." I was not questioning that to be his name, I was acknowledging that he was before me. He turned to look at me, his eyes lighting up in recognition. He smiled widely- "Llysa. Wow." I smiled back, more glad than I would have thought to see him. "I see you made it into med school ?" "Yeah. I'm in my third year…" My voice kinda trailed off at the end. "Would you like to….get some coffee with me ?" I asked him, hopeful. "You know me too well," He replied, leading me by the arm.


End file.
